Wellbutrin

[taarn]

Wow! This was so informative! Thanks for the detailed info.

So we can conclude the following:
1) After almost 10 years brain areas related to sexual functioning are still intact, no terminal brain damage or cell death.
2) You achieved some natural recovery, although very limited. But 10 years is a long time, we can't look over this variable, probably bupropion didn't work just 1-2 months after fluoxetine.
3) Recovery is not linear, rather very hectic. Have to take it for months to be sure.
4) You have to find your dosage sweet spot.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4360219/
Bupropion was shown to restore serotonin neuronal cell firing. It's possible that it is able to restore DRN 5-HT1A receptors or others that are related to sexual dysfunction to their proper functioning.
It would be interesting to know how its VMAT modifying properties fit into the picture and also if bupropion has to do something with SERT, especially if it's already downregulated.

I had already come up with a 'restoration plan' but now I'm thinking to start a longer experiment with bupropion. I also have Wellbutrin SR and Elontril as well, it's probably placebo but for me Wellbutrin seemed to work better.

[RainebowGirl]

Thank you so much for that detailed log, Numby! That's amazing. It's also interesting that you had a window of loss, but it recovered even better.

I've had a consistent feeling of arousal and lack of numbness since I took the 100mg dose days ago. It hasn't gone away! The only issue now is feeling a low level of arousal at random times... but there's no stimulus to go along with it, and my libido hasn't really increased. I also have no desire to masturbate--it's not an emotional arousal. It's very strange and almost as uncomfortable as being completely numb. I'm hoping my emotional state catches up to my physical state (and that's even if the results stick). Maybe my brain is leveling out? My anhedonia has not improved.

Taarn, I also think you for that study. Maybe Wellbutrin only works for some people? I've never had a window like this, not in 4 years. I wish I had found this forum sooner.

[taarn]

RainebowGirl, sure, it won't work for everyone. It depends on a lot of factors.
But how you described your reaction is very very similar to my experience. First it gave me surprisingly high libido and fairly good sensitivity out of thin air, it was zero before. But it was also artificial, my conscious mind couldn't follow. I took it for 3 days if I remember correctly. This has decreased after 3 days so I stopped with the pills and my baseline remained better than it was. After a week I tried it again, same experience, took it for 3 days again and my baseline seemed to remain around 80% of my old (good) baseline. After a few days with normal sexual function I took a pill of zolpidem for sleep and my baseline seemed to be reset how it was pre-Wellbutrin. I don't know how much that pill of zolpidem contributed to this.

[RainebowGirl]

It's been over a week now, and the results have stuck, but they haven't improved much.
Well, no. The random arousal is now more emotionally connected. It feels like my brain had to relearn how to react to stimulus again, but over the last few days, my arousal patterns match my mental state better.
So at this point:
Genital numbness: 40-50% still. It seems to come and go some days. One day, it'll feel closer to 80% and other days, it's almost numbed back to 20%. But it averages about there; I can actually feel things, but there's still a bit of numbness.
Libido: 45%. I kind of feel normal now.
Lubrication: 20%?
Spontaneous arousal: 70% I've probably improved the most here.
Anhedonia: 25ish%, hasn't improved but I feel like I can manage to make my day better most days.
Anorgasmia: 75% I can have orgasms fairly easily now, but they're not *as* easy as before and aren't as strong.
I can also tell my pelvic floor is all out of wack, but I'm not sure how to fix it or what pressure points to hit.
My SJW pills finally arrived, which is great, but now I'm afraid to try them. Before, I had nothing to lose, basically. But now that I have a bit of improvement, I'm afraid of trying something else that might cause a setback.
Oh! And I get goosebumps from listening to music again!

[sovietxrobot]

It's been over a week now, and the results have stuck, but they haven't improved much.
Well, no. The random arousal is now more emotionally connected. It feels like my brain had to relearn how to react to stimulus again, but over the last few days, my arousal patterns match my mental state better.

I know exactly what you mean. Theres some kind of disconnect in the way I can respond to arousal stimulus. At this point I don't know if physiological damage from PSSD, or something psychological I picked up from having PSSD for so long.

[taarn]

It's been over a week now, and the results have stuck, but they haven't improved much.
Well, no. The random arousal is now more emotionally connected. It feels like my brain had to relearn how to react to stimulus again, but over the last few days, my arousal patterns match my mental state better.

I know exactly what you mean. Theres some kind of disconnect in the way I can respond to arousal stimulus. At this point I don't know if physiological damage from PSSD, or something psychological I picked up from having PSSD for so long.

There are some symptoms which just can't be solely psychological.

[sylv]

The subjective feeling of emotional disconnection is not the side effect but a mode of SSRI action. This is how they work for mood disorders. In our case it's just stronger and persisting so far more distressing. We have no luxurity to lower the dosage or change the drug

For me it has been sixth year of this form of emotional blunting. Before SSRI never felt such an effect for the previous 20 years long existence. Just coincidence not related to taking a broad acting, non selective, not well enough researched but generally known for an interaction with emotional processing, psychoactive substance ? Psychological cause so stubborn without any trauma happened ? I'm not convinced

[RainebowGirl]

I know exactly what you mean. Theres some kind of disconnect in the way I can respond to arousal stimulus. At this point I don't know if physiological damage from PSSD, or something psychological I picked up from having PSSD for so long.

Yes! I had that issue big time. It's actually seemed to have fixed it self after my Wellbutrin experiment. Now it feels like I react to appropriate stimulus, even if it feels muted.

The subjective feeling of emotional disconnection is not the side effect but a mode of SSRI action. This is how they work for mood disorders. In our case it's just stronger and persisting so far more distressing. We have no luxurity to lower the dosage or change the drug

I tried to describe to my doctor the way antidepressants make me feel as... You know when you get hunger pains, and you feel hunger, so you know you're hungry? Being on ADs made me feel like I was getting hunger pains, but I didn't feel any hunger... I was still feeling the things I associate with depression, but those emotions were out of synch with my experience. So I think you're very right, I'm guessing the medicine's purpose is to induce that emotional disconnection in depressive or psychotic patients.

-

A small update:

I tried another experiment, taking the same dose in the same way a few days ago. Not too much improvement. I guess my arousal when I am aroused is stronger. But my libido is so low that I don't feel it very often.

I plan on taking Wellbutrin consistently and seeing if I get results similar to Numby, but I'll see if I get any improvement over the next two weeks first.

[RainebowGirl]

Tiny update! I am almost using this as a personal log thread at this point. If I'm posting too much, let me know and I'll stop.

My arousal and libido are up! Like 80% almost! And my numbness has gone down a bit!

No, I haven't taken any more. I was afraid to, so I waited two more weeks and it seems like waiting gave me slightly more improvements. It's not a window - or, at least I hope not - because the improvements have been slowly and consistently showing themselves. I might try one more experiment in a little bit longer. I feel like every dose kickstarts my brain: I sleep better, my feet and hands don't get cold as easily, and my mood is stabilized for a few weeks. Then it drops and slowly recovers. I'm no neuroscientist, so I can't say what's really happening, but that's what it feels like. Each dose gives me a ton of improvement that slowly ebbs down, but improves my baseline. I'm sure it'll stop at some point, but it hasn't been so far. Good sign?

I almost feel foolish for not having tried this sooner, but it wasn't until I found this board that I realized what reinstatement even was. Plus, it gave me time to get my body healthier. Maybe it is for the best.

Oh! Goosebumps! From the smallest things! I didn't realize how common this must be for everyday people until now. I also get very sad very easily, much easier than before. It's better than being numb, though, yeah? Maybe?
-
I decided to use my chart thing again, to help me see my progress:
Genital numbness: 65%. Still comes and goes, but it is typically better, as long as I don't 'play the devil's fiddle', if y'know what I mean I mostly choose not to, as I feel I make more progress that way.
Libido: 75%. I am starting to not like this. As I've mentioned, I was hypersexual before this all started. I feel my libido heading back up, which I was most comfortable around 60ish%. I also don't like *feeling* lonely. I feel that now. I used to not care about having a partner and could focus on myself pretty easily, but the last week, I have felt loneliness creeping up on me. I don't like it.
Lubrication: 45-50%, around the normal amount for most women, I think. I'm kind of okay here, honestly, so I hope it doesn't go back to what it was.
Spontaneous arousal: 80% Aaaaah, along with the libido thing! It surprises me throughout the day sometimes...
Anhedonia: ??%. I feel things, but it is usually sadness and loneliness. I still have very little interest in things, but it feels less like a lack of interest and more like I'm too *sad* to enjoy doing anything. I don't like it.
Anorgasmia: 75% I can have orgasms fairly easily now, but they're not *as* easy as before and aren't as strong. <--this remained the same.
Pelvic floor: ??%. Still fucked up, no idea how to fix it. Still get random pelvic pain with no idea how to stretch or pressure point it, honestly.

[Timm Thaler]

Thanks for the detailed update!! I really appreciate it! Could you please specify, which brand of Welbutrin you use?