RazeEzaR Intro (I think I found my cure)

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RazeEzaR
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Joined: Fri Apr 21, 2023 6:16 pm
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RazeEzaR Intro (I think I found my cure)

Unread post by RazeEzaR »

I’ve been active on the PSSD Sub Reddit under u/RazeEzaR pretty close to since I got PSSD (summer of 2019.)

I don’t really know how to type this out. I found the fix but I still haven’t cured myself because I didn’t have enough of the stuff that fixed me but I was on the verge to being me again.

This will be a lot easier to summarize if you guys go through my old posts on Reddit.

So the very first pill I took was Paxil. Probably a good 8-10 times. But then I was actually prescribed Lexapro. For 3-close to 4 years I went through a battle with this life damaging condition. Putting myself through 100s of dangerous experiments, torturing myself to convince myself I should just leave this world. I even damaged the glutamate in my head by accidentally over drinking on the first night I took pramipexole 2 years into my battle.

That’s fine, I didn’t stop. Fast forward October 2022, I found an old bottle of lexapro that was the exact same lexapro I took & I had already tried to reinstate, but this time. I knew had to really risk myself. I thought “what if I take 3 of these a day” I did. It was so hard at first, the insomnia destroyed me I wanted to quit but I knew this was the last road. I had tried everything I possibly could have.

10 days pass taking lexapro 3 times a day daily and something happens. I feel alleviated mentally & physically. I thought I did it. I told myself I’m free. 20 some days pass doing this & I decide to come to an end to see if this sticks. The final day after taking this I take an adder all just to see if my dopamine is there. The adderall reacts differently but it’s still not the old me. But I feel changed somehow. Weeks pass & still feel changed, but I only felt about 40% - 50% changed, it was odd. I had changed my baseline but I still don’t feel pre pssd.

December 2022 comes around & im heading towards the direction of doing the same exact experiment ( 3 10 mg pills each day) but this time with Paxil. Again I had tried reinstating Paxil & lexapro both many times before, small doses & regular. Nothing ever worked. But this power dosage I don’t think I’ve really seen anyone try it. I get Paxil 10 mg from Zydus from my dad’s cabinet (he takes anti depressants but he doesn’t have PSSD.) I go through with this experiment for almost a month, does nothing for my condition & im back to baseline where I was before the permanent lexapro baseline change.

I’m beat, hurt, confused. I thought that had to be it. I was at the end of my road. The Paxil was supposed to do it. After 3 years + of trying to cure this shit I decided I was done. Just work & wait for cure to come for all of us one day. March 2023 rolls around and all I’ve really done is work the whole year. PSSD was always on my mind but I didn’t pursue it like before. Then something struck my mind. I went into my cabinets & tried to find an old Paxil bottle. Label reads “BEIGE OBLONG HH 710 SOLCO.” The window I had in 2020 was from that Paxil. So this Paxil has to be the same if not, manufactured the same way the first ever Paxil I took was. Then I get to researching. People report feeling different from every single Paxil, different side effects, different feelings, different everything. This is not just for Paxil. This is for every medication. The Paxil medication coming from aurobindo is not the same as the one coming from Zydus & that one is not the same one as the one coming from SOLCO. Once again I’m on the pursue of hunting my PSSD down.

I scramble through all sorts of old cabinets & files looking for any pieces of this medication I can find. Again I’m taking 3 10 mg pills a day. I find enough pills to be able to do this experiment for 14 days. Albeit it’s not enough days but I will be able to tell if this is where my condition lies. I go ahead and start (end of march 2023.)

I take it for 3 days & I was feeling such a bad migraine so I took excedrin. Big mistake, I ended up getting serotonin syndrome that night (not too severe) & decide to just halt the experiment. Stupid me right? Thinking this could possibly be it when I had already tried Paxil. No! Did I not learn from my past trials? You’ll never find out anything after 3 days. I got 11 days worth of the medication so after about a week I go at it again. On day 4 something happens, I start seeing emotions in people’s faces. These people are human, this whole time in my condition all I see is grey & white. I start wanting to be in peoples company again. I start feeling a creative mindset. Day 6,7,8 come along. I feel the coziness & warmth of my blanket. The bath & shower water starts feeling like it used to a little bit. I even tried drinking one night(I know risky). I was able to blackout on alcohol again. I feel a connection towards the world, not completely but it felt like that connection was slowly rising. I hear my sisters voice again like I used to. Damn she grew up since I got the condition but it just feels different like that’s my sister & there’s a meaning to it. Towards the final days the connection to that pre PSSD world got stronger & stronger. I felt it rise sexually in the last couple of days too. Most importantly I felt hope for the first time in almost 4 years. Everything might just be alright. I ran out of the medication & went right back to PSSD baseline. I knew I didn’t it take long enough. But now I know. For most of us our condition lies in the very first pill we took & that’s what it always was. Even though I’m once again in a PSSD state I feel a little more at ease. All I got to do is get that Paxil & hopefully SOLCO didn’t change the way they manufactured it since that time frame. Maybe this time I can induce a permanent change or if I even have to stay taking 3 Paxils a day so be it. It felt good to finally feel that world even if it wasn’t there completely. I will never ever give up this fight.
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