My PSSD story

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Tristitia
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Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2022 5:57 am
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My PSSD story

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I was prescribed Lexapro and Mirtazapine for 5 years starting from when I was 18 after I developed depression due to life circumstances. I was also a shy, sensitive teen, and the numbing effect of Lexapro felt relieving at first.. I don't know how much these drugs helped depression ever because they caused harm that is way worse than depression was for me. There was also some type of tolerance with these drugs. I did not make informed consent about the nasty effects these drugs can cause including possibility of PSSD, withdrawal and negative effects on my ability to feel
So unfair and wrong. I basically grew into an adult when using these drugs.

I did not have sexual problems before the drug. I was a normal teen in that sense. I had actually more like high sex drive and my depression did not have impact on that. I still remember what it was like to experience normal sexual desire and full range of emotions and how wonderful it was.

I experienced mild sexual dysfunction that turned into worse sexual dysfunction when Lexapro dose was increased. Genital numbness, weak orgasms.. I still was still somewhat able to experience sexual desire but when sex did not feel pleasurable and I felt numb physically I lost my interest of sex in the end. During the use of SSRIs I experienced constant urinary difficulties (difficulties to start peeing). My imagination helped to get joy from sex but I did not enjoy touch and I had difficulties reaching orgasms. PSSD went hand in hand with emotional numbing the drugs caused. Sexual dysfunction was one reasons I wanted to stop the drugs. The drugs created the state of apathy too in higher dose especially. All the side effects were worse too the higher the dose.

My ability to enjoy sexual pleasure and experience pleasurable orgasms returned after stopping these drugs. Also apathy basically went away. I felt like I felt alive again and I enjoyed sex again. How amazing. I exercised a lot that I think was important in my recovery. Unfortunately I did the taper top fast, basically cold turkey, without knowing the risks. I had been said I can stop the drugs anytime I want and they do not cause addiction. I started to experience panic attacks later(there could be a connection of cold turkey) and returned to use Lexapro. Doctor prescribed small dosage of Seroquel for anxiety but stopped it after reading about the drug. I wish I did not have restarted using SSRIs and I had known about PSSD.

The side effects were worse when using Lexapro the second time. The same story happened again with the drug.. At first the sexual problems weren't as bad until they got worse. I was also prescribed contraseption pills which I stopped pretty soon after it impacted negatively on my mood and sexual desire. I used Lexapro for years working and studying and not having right time/moment to go through withdrawal when I was buzy. I knew how hard it was.

After stopping the drug second time the withdrawal symptoms were bad: inner agitation/restlessness, insomnia, headaches, paresthesia, electric zaps, eye symptoms (like this weird pressure behind my eyes, light sensitivity), mood swings, cognitive problems and brain fog etc. This time my sexual function did not come back. Almost like withdrawal made it even worse like it was gone. I had difficulties to function with insomnia at work and I was prescribed meds for insomnia. I experienced bad reaction to trying mirtazapine and benzos during withdrawal.

I crashed emotionally big time 2 months after stopping Lexapro experiencing both restlessness and insomnia and got into psych ward feeling scared what happened to me. I was prescribed multiple meds there including Zyprexa and benzos. They had no idea what harm I went through with drugs and just pushed more. I believe these drugs can play a part why I developed permanent PSSD and made my recovery of SSRI wd more challenging. They made me so emotionally and physically numb I did not know myself anymore and also made cognitive dysfunction bad. I also developed extrapyramidal symptoms during that time. I experienced such a bizarre physical symptoms while using these drugs including burning sensations with paresthesia. I wouldn't be surprised if I went through some type of neurotoxicity after reading about the subject because my symptoms felt so severe including sudden really bad cognitive problems. I stopped all the drugs and started slow benzo taper. Many things improved slowly including cognition, extrapyramidal symptoms, adrenaline surges, ability to feel and harms.

It took years to recover to a better situation. I took care of myself well. Before SSRI withdrawal I had been healthy person who was in good shape. After all of those drugs I felt like I was dealing with chronic fatigue and exercise intolerance. I feel like I have had a cascade of physical symptoms and PSSD is only one part of it.

I still use tiny dose of benzos for sleep and have slowly tapered off it during years. The harms I experienced have made me scared of withdrawals. That is why I made super slow taper. I have had constant symptoms such as weird internal vibrations, fatigue and tingling in my limbs after experiencing harms. There is not long way to go I can stop benzo when my dose is small enough.

I have had fluctuating sensation in my genitals for the last years. First years my genitals were 100 percent numb. Sometimes I have had some pleasure but it is only tiny fraction of what I was and sex does not give me pleasure. Usually only during ovulation. What has been the most frustrating part has been if I have felt sexual desire and how my genitals feels numb. I have felt emotional pain of losing part of myself. I have lost my will to even have sex that has had negative impact in my relationship.

Last spring I experienced some progress. It took years! I was able to experience sexual desire and also enjoy a bit of touch. Usually I have difficulties to experience sexual desire, my genitals have felt numb but also orgasm is unpleasurable.

Unfortunately I went to eye exam and the doctor used eye dilating eyedrops, tropicamide that has an impact on autonomic CNS and is an anticholinergic. It triggered confusion,DP/DR, restlessness, similar eye symptoms such as Lexapro (eye pressure went up) and eye dilation. It somehow felt like it kindled me and the numbness increased again. I have been really sensitive to meds after harm and have tried to avoid pharmaneuticals.

I also got mild concussion and covid a bit later that basically stole all my progress and I have 100 percent sexual dysfunction back. It has lasted for months. Cognitive symptoms, mental and physical fatigue, brain fog, sexual problems, pins and needles (in my limbs and genitals too but luckily it has somewhat improved), numb sensation on skin, feeling anhedonia like I can't feel my emotions normally. DP/DR. My genitals feel 100 numb. I have had daily headaches for many months straight like somebody is drilling a nerve in the back of my head combined with difficulties to think. Feels really familiar what I went through during my most horrible time in withdrawal while drugged and most likely kindled.

I have had multiple meds why it is difficult to pinpoint what triggered PSSD. I know long term Lexapro and its withdrawal played big part. My experience is that every psych drug potentially causes sexual dysfunction and it is quite sad that usually it is only talked about SSRI induced sexual dysfunction.

I have tried to read about theories of PSSD. Small fiber neuropathy theory is interesting. Also I wouldn't be surprised if SSRIs do damage for sexual function the same way as some serotonergic "street drugs". I feel like some of my symptoms could have been autonomic nervous system symptoms and I wouldn't be surprised if PSSD has a connection with this too. I also have family history of autoimmune diseases. I have been interested about the connection of autoimmune diseases and psych meds and also PSSD.
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