Severe withdrawals and PSSD

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Kyle1234
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Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2022 9:14 am
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Severe withdrawals and PSSD

Unread post by Kyle1234 »

Hello everyone, not sure where to start with this as I have been suffering from extremely severe protracted withdrawals since the beginning of august with all sorts of physical and mental symptoms.

For some background I have been on Sertraline for 7 years in total. Before I went on the medication I was hyper sexual, more anxious than most but I loved my life I was always so happy. I first went on 50mg for 5 weeks which did absolutely nothing for me in 2015 following a panic attack which I then stopped cold turkey with no issues. About 6 months later I got put on 100mg following another panic attack and increased anxiety. During this time my anxiety skyrocketed for the first few weeks to the point I thought I was losing my mind. Then all of a sudden something switched and everything died down. I went from being super anxious to not being anxious at all. Over the years I became more and more apathetic and I experienced low libido and response to sexual stimuli but thought since I had no issues on 50mg that this would resolve when I came off. After a few years I tried coming off because of the sexual issues, not being monitored I skipped doses from once every other day to once a week as I was assured a lower dose would improve the symptoms over the period of a year and noticed no difference.

By doing this I actually triggered quite severe mental withdrawals which were super intense intrusive thoughts that felt torturous. I jumped back on 100mg straight away not realising this was withdrawals and this only exacerbated things for a good few months before things started to calm down (It took about 11 months for us to completely go). About 2 months into reinstating 100mg I noticed a complete reversal of PSSD despite being on the medication although this tailed off the longer I spent on it.

Scared of another withdrawal I then tapered over a 8 month period before stopping, I didn’t notice any change in emotion/PSSD as I tapered and stopped after a month of 25mg every 3 days. I was off for a month and the only change was the return of the intense intrusive thoughts. So again I was advised to go back on the medication at 50mg and once again about 6 weeks in my PSSD completely reversed. After this happened I thought I would stop and try to deal with the withdrawals. To my surprise I stopped and I instantly noticed a return of my emotions, feeling real excitement/euphoria again which I hadn’t felt for years although about a week later the libido reduced but I was mainly focused on my emotions returning so didn’t mind. It was like a switch in my head had been flicked, I was a completely different person to the person who came off the meds a couple of months prior. I started to get some slight withdrawal symptoms a couple of weeks in like muscle twitches, nothing too drastic, but I was overwhelmed with how much I could feel.

4 weeks in and all of a sudden this blocked feeling left my brain and my peripheral vision expanded and I could pick out sounds better. This was how I used to see the world and realised for 7 years my field of vision and processing of sight and sound had been affected but I didn’t even notice the difference. I then started getting really intense DPDR from the withdrawal, sensitivities to light, heat, parasthesia etc. and was put on diazepam for a week. I relaxed and became more accepting. Then about 6 weeks after stopping the sertraline the PSSD instantly spontaneously recovered one morning.

I then got put on 15mg diazepam daily because they thought my DPDR was driven by anxiety even though I didn’t have any to begin with. I was left on for 7 weeks without monitoring again and came off after a quick taper. I then started suffering with more withdrawal symptoms, I.e. body tremors, headaches, brain zaps, shaky vision, memory loss, brain fog. This affected my sexual functioning but smithing like what it was on the meds. About 3 weeks after stopping I had a lucozade and this had a severe reaction where I felt like I would have a seizure 24/7, my brain was on fire, I could feel my neurons firing constantly and it was killing me, I couldn’t sleep, it made me pupils contract and dilate rapidly, my vision and hearing would get affected severely, like my brain wouldn’t process things correctly and I was trapped in my head. I ended up in A&E multiple times and my stress response became so intense than anything would send me over the edge. I was able to induce brain zaps by relaxing the middle part of my head (the part which opened up earlier in withdrawal - like my brainstem?)

After about a week of this another instant change happened in my head where my vision and hearing changed instantly and the constant static feeling in my head went away along with all of the physical symptoms. Each day after that part of my brain which felt open started getting blocked again and the intensity of the brain zaps I was able to induce reduced along with my emotions & processing of vision and sound reduced as it closed up.

I was finally advised my surviving antidepressants to restart sertraline at 0.5mg which I am a week into and it has taken all of my emotion away again. I feel completely numb, complete apathy and PSSD again like it was on the meds. My vision is now so bad (severe tunnel vision which keeps getting worse and it feels like my brain won’t process any sound or noise) I feel completely brain damaged! The same thing that happened before has happened again but even worse and it started off the meds this time as a reaction to the period of really intense brain zaps/constant static in my brain.

I have no idea why this has happened but that feeling of my brainstem being blocked has returned and my emotions, PSSD, brain’s visual and auditory processing have all got so bad now. I feel like I have messed up my recovery because I had so much hope and happiness that I was feeling things I hadn’t felt for 7 years which didn’t even return after the taper 2 months prior to this cold turkey.

I am deteriorating daily and so scared. It’s like there are two versions of me which only switches during a high dose reinstatement and these changes are spontaneous. One where I am emotionally numb, have PSSD, apathetic, blocked brain feeling and vision/auditory processing issues, and the other where I am back to normal. I don’t know the reasons for this but I am devastated that I have somehow flicked that switch in my brain back to this person due to the diazepam withdrawals and lucozade episode when I felt like if I just let thing recover I would have got the old me back. I don’t have the option of another high dose reinstatement because of my sensitised nervous system from withdrawals.

I am now a over 4 months off sertraline and about 2 months off diazepam but feel even worse than when I was on the meds. I wish I never touched these things as they have completely ruined my life and I feel severely brain damaged.

If anyone has anything that could help or reassure that would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance
redditorx4
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Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2022 8:32 am
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Re: Severe withdrawals and PSSD

Unread post by redditorx4 »

i dont think its brain damage.
pssd'd
Posts: 45
Joined: Sun Jan 25, 2015 10:58 pm
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Re: Severe withdrawals and PSSD

Unread post by pssd'd »

Rough cycles of withdrawal you went through and multiple meds, sorry. It seemed like going on the 50mg dose and then stopping flicked the switch for you last time (and you were somewhat ok until you reinstated at .5mg). Maybe try that again if your symptoms don't clear up in a few weeks? Check with your Doctor and use your own judgement, of course (not medical advice here).
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