Does anyone think about suicide?

[Ghost]

Sometimes, I have had a strange thought, that maybe I would be better off dead than alive because all of the crap I have been through, from divorce, loss of love, loss of a parent, loss of my sexuality. It seems I have lost so much in life and life has not turned out anything like I wished for. But, despite this, I never thought of suicide. My love of life itself seems to keep me alive. Sometimes, after going through hell and back, I take stock in myself and inventory of my ability to keep going and I came to a point that I was impressed by my own strength and courage. Sometimes, it's hard to see through all the pain. It's important to talk to someone you trust if you feel suicidal, like a counselor. The other day, this beautiful young woman I know said she liked scars on people because each scar had a story to tell and scars can make people more unique. I had never really thought of it that way, that scars tell stories. Maybe in a similar way, our losses, our pains--shape us, but can be that battle scar we are proud of...

M. Scott Peck wrote the book about the road less traveled, I think his first line is like, 'Life is difficult'. I think it is a simple yet profound sentence...

^^^Can't agree more. I've kept and created enough things that I care about that even though I occasionally still get thoughts about how much easier nothingness would be, I still have enough things in life that make me want to stay. I don't think that this is something that I'll ever be proud of, but it's something that once I'm past it, I'll have grown from a boy to a man.

[Ghost]

some layperson wrote this and i saved it quite a while ago as i thought it was really well written --

"It is the most profound choice you can make in this world, whether to leave it forever, or stay and be a part of it until you cross the threshold, however that may come about. It is a powerful, unalterable thing that you are considering, and no one but you, your very self, can make the decision for you. There will be lots of opinions, and lots of advice, and lots of tactics thrown in your direction if you bring up these of thoughts ending yourself to others, but if you are wrestling with questions that amount to "what's the point?" that point essentially has to come from you and what you ultimately care about.

Suicide doesn't erase just some of your suffering, it erases everything you know about and interact with in reality. You cease in every identifiable way. If there is anything in this world that holds interest for you, if there is anything you care about or enjoy, be it a sensation, an idea, a person, a grudge, an activity, a colour, a vendetta, the shimmer of silence, a mote of sun crossing your ceiling, you have to realize that all of that, all of it will be gone if the light goes out in your bodily case. Relationships come and go. Love originates but it also fades. Meaningful connections to people and their institutions and projects are hard to forge with any reliability. I do not dispute any of this. I do not say that there are not fundamental flaws in the system of life which we were never asked about participating in in the first place. But better times can come as well as bad ones, and this is your one shot at getting something good out of it before it's over; because it's over for all of us, sooner or later. Why rush headlong into the unknown when there is no guarantee that it is any better? If you're counting on oblivion you may be disappointed; just because death is an impenetrable barrier doesn't necessarily mean that it is the end; and that's worth considering before stepping out to search the great beyond.

What I'm really trying to say is, if life is terrible, seek help within its framework before you start planning to seek a path that would cause you to exit that framework altogether. Think of it as time you're not going to miss if you're dead, it's a bonus round. There are lots of good doctors working in the world today who want to help make your experience more supportive and more hopeful than it might seem right now. There are medications that can turn your inability to cope into something else, something that finds grounds for growth and improvement in daily life. Call a crises hotline if you are feeling dire. Let someone hear what has been going on in your head. Often if we are asking questions like "why" and "how" can it be so hard it is because we are struggling for answers that can only be found here. It shows that we don't want to go. Not just yet."

That's beautiful

[Sonny]

This thread is so much win. A sad and serious subject, but the discussion here has been excellent, and very positive. It makes me happy to see a thread turn out like this.

[carol7]

Ghost, that's a good point....I'm not sure what you mean by this is something that I will never be proud of...?

Sometimes, maybe we are--our worst enemy. I know that honestly I blame myself for my mind and my deficits. I feel shame sometimes. That's where the work comes in...call it self-talk, prayer, self-reflection...but think about your thoughts and what you are saying about yourself. You can be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Also, listen to what others say to you, especially when it is a compliment, let yourself hear good things about yourself. I mean how many times has someone said something good about you and you discount it away? Good things will inspire you more. When I was a teenager a long damn time ago, I remember my mom said how so very lucky she was to have her three kids, and me. I thought, hmmm she must be out of her mind, the trouble we probably caused her at times. She said, '_(my name), you're an angel to me, you're so good'. I looked at her like she had two heads, me???? But, deep down, it made me glow, she saw good in me, and actually come to think of it, I had been a good daughter to her and I loved her.... She saw me in a light few really saw, and that light I basked in because part of me knew some of it was true. Accept a compliment, give compliments, love yourself, and be true to yourself, and lastly forgive yourself

Sometimes, I have had a strange thought, that maybe I would be better off dead than alive because all of the crap I have been through, from divorce, loss of love, loss of a parent, loss of my sexuality. It seems I have lost so much in life and life has not turned out anything like I wished for. But, despite this, I never thought of suicide. My love of life itself seems to keep me alive. Sometimes, after going through hell and back, I take stock in myself and inventory of my ability to keep going and I came to a point that I was impressed by my own strength and courage. Sometimes, it's hard to see through all the pain. It's important to talk to someone you trust if you feel suicidal, like a counselor. The other day, this beautiful young woman I know said she liked scars on people because each scar had a story to tell and scars can make people more unique. I had never really thought of it that way, that scars tell stories. Maybe in a similar way, our losses, our pains--shape us, but can be that battle scar we are proud of...

M. Scott Peck wrote the book about the road less traveled, I think his first line is like, 'Life is difficult'. I think it is a simple yet profound sentence...

^^^Can't agree more. I've kept and created enough things that I care about that even though I occasionally still get thoughts about how much easier nothingness would be, I still have enough things in life that make me want to stay. I don't think that this is something that I'll ever be proud of, but it's something that once I'm past it, I'll have grown from a boy to a man.

[anacleta]

a month ago or so I tried to suspend abilify that I'm assuming at 10 ml/d... the anguish came back very intense, the thought of PSSD affected me a lot more, even though the physical symptoms were the same. I suddenly, after twenty days from the suspension of abilify, I started to think a lot about suicide.
I tried to tell myself: think!! until a few days ago you had the PSSD as now, but you were all in all good and you did not want to commit suicide!
but that it was no use, the power of neurotransmitters crushed any attempt to positive thinking.
it's amazing the power that has the drug on me!
after a few days I started to take it again
and after a few days I was well again, albeit with pSSD.
Now I'm taking and I havent thoughts of suicide.
However, I realize that if I have a valid reason to kill myself, that reason is the PSSD ...
but I prefer to think of having many reasons to go on living. go out and be comfortable with my friends, see new places ... and the hope that someday it will be found a drug that heals all us from shitty pSSD.

[infinityzer00000]

Hi everyone. Id just like to say thanks for all those who gave suggestions on how to seek help and that life is still worth living. Ghost, you seem like a pretty stand up guy. Wish I could buy ya a beer sometime. Some of us are no doubt in some seriously dark places. I myself have been living with this for over 5 years. I used to be a fairly sexual and confident guy. Now I am plagued with anxiety and depression, but I would like to provide a positive story to this post that I started.

For over a couple weeks I have been taking St. Johns Wort because at this point I was like fuck it. I may as well and try and help with deal with this depression. I realized that the suicidal thoughts in the past few days seem to have subsided. I am sleeping a lot better than what I have normally. Not only do I sleep more soundly and consistently throughout the night but I also fall asleep a lot quicker. Sometimes if I do wake in the middle of the night I have noticed raging erections. I have started to notice erections more throughout the day as well. Prior to the SJW treatment I have never really had a spontaneous erection through thought a lone.

My libido seems to maybe slightly improved? I question that because it seems really difficult to tell. My naturopath put me on maca at the same time of the SJW, The depression no doubt has lifted a bit, but its a tough call on the libido. I still don't have much desire to seek out and fuck women. This brings me to the next part of this story.

I went out on a date with a girl on Friday night. I got fucking hammered. We get back to my place and are just chilling and watching youtube clips showing each other our favorite music and what not. I lay down on the couch cuz drunk and she lays beside me and we start making out. Shes like "do you wanna take this to your bedroom?" and I was like "lets do this" lol.

So I had sex with her twice and then she left. My erections were pretty relentless, almost painful at some points. I have rarely had erections that were that hard.

The next morning I noticed I was getting hard just thinking about sex with her. It put a smile on my face.

I was on fluvoxamine (100mg) for 5 years from the age of 16 to 21. I tapered pretty aggressively. I will continue to update on my progress every now and again. I think Ghost has given some pretty good advice. If you are thinking of suicide just like I myself was try and get some help. The unfortunate thing about the help I am getting with my naturopath is cost, but the other option is eternal misery.

Best of luck everyone.

[Ghost]

Hi everyone. Id just like to say thanks for all those who gave suggestions on how to seek help and that life is still worth living. Ghost, you seem like a pretty stand up guy. Wish I could buy ya a beer sometime. Some of us are no doubt in some seriously dark places. I myself have been living with this for over 5 years. I used to be a fairly sexual and confident guy. Now I am plagued with anxiety and depression, but I would like to provide a positive story to this post that I started.

For over a couple weeks I have been taking St. Johns Wort because at this point I was like fuck it. I may as well and try and help with deal with this depression. I realized that the suicidal thoughts in the past few days seem to have subsided. I am sleeping a lot better than what I have normally. Not only do I sleep more soundly and consistently throughout the night but I also fall asleep a lot quicker. Sometimes if I do wake in the middle of the night I have noticed raging erections. I have started to notice erections more throughout the day as well. Prior to the SJW treatment I have never really had a spontaneous erection through thought a lone.

My libido seems to maybe slightly improved? I question that because it seems really difficult to tell. My naturopath put me on maca at the same time of the SJW, The depression no doubt has lifted a bit, but its a tough call on the libido. I still don't have much desire to seek out and fuck women. This brings me to the next part of this story.

I went out on a date with a girl on Friday night. I got fucking hammered. We get back to my place and are just chilling and watching youtube clips showing each other our favorite music and what not. I lay down on the couch cuz drunk and she lays beside me and we start making out. Shes like "do you wanna take this to your bedroom?" and I was like "lets do this" lol.

So I had sex with her twice and then she left. My erections were pretty relentless, almost painful at some points. I have rarely had erections that were that hard.

The next morning I noticed I was getting hard just thinking about sex with her. It put a smile on my face.

I was on fluvoxamine (100mg) for 5 years from the age of 16 to 21. I tapered pretty aggressively. I will continue to update on my progress every now and again. I think Ghost has given some pretty good advice. If you are thinking of suicide just like I myself was try and get some help. The unfortunate thing about the help I am getting with my naturopath is cost, but the other option is eternal misery.

Best of luck everyone.

Glad I helped . There is nothing darker in this world than depression, but once you've stared into that abyss and came out of it. Fuck...the world is yours. I'll move this into the SJW thread, and post another update about myself too.

Cheers

[EricCartmanRJ]

Glad to hear that you're better than most of us now.

Cheers.

[celexahell]

I can't feel my fucking balls anymore. My libido doesn't exist anymore. How the fuck is this a livable condition? Tell me, someone, how the FUCK this is a livable condition?

[brian6211]

I can't feel my fucking balls anymore. My libido doesn't exist anymore. How the fuck is this a livable condition? Tell me, someone, how the FUCK this is a livable condition?

Hey again celexa,

Did you take celexa for a mental illness? If so, is that under control?

Have you tried inositol or SJW?

And to answer your question, NO it is indeed unacceptable. Now, you need to find what will bring it back..