Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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finities infinities
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Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

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I'm 21 years old man from Poland.
Why did you take antidepressants in the first place? Clomipramine.
How was your sexual and emotional function before antidepressant intake? - I was very emotional, impulsive and hyperactive child, with magical thinking like fanatics religious, stereotype behaviours and obsessional passion like thunderstorms. Emotional, magical world perception. My libido is not higher than other boys, I was always very romantic love, like obsessive thought racing around attractive people which induced euphoria rush in my head. My anxiety was always higher tha other peoples, but I hadn't obsessive bad thought in my head. My anxiety was more strong anxiety before dentist office, injections, evil look peoples and agressive dogs.
What are your symptoms exactly and when did they start? - , but my PSSD is induced mainly other drug.
In december 2008 I had a little over talkative, over animatic ADHD like symptoms and problems at school lesson, I went with my parents to the ,,doctor" I have been prescribed me- risperidone 3mg and carbamazepine 200 mg. I felt very extreme sleepy, lazy and demotivated in first day in this drug, but in next days depersonalization and severe anxiety fast developed in me. My ego death, and my world perception very changed to anhedonic, suicidal like obsessive thought: l
- things that made me happy became boring "cartoon, plastic like unreal". 100%
- began to seriously think about the meaning of life and noticed that everything is over, that my ideas can be exhausted, the water in the ocean evaporates and the resources of coal run out. These thoughts took all my brain and blocked all my activity, because I have put all awards away in time for the future.
- very strong conditioning aversion, my memory rejestration this time like ,,trauma" or ,,nightmare" time.
-sexual anhedonia, peoples are ,,weird creatures, like dolls" and very strong fear before orgazm and post-orgazm worsen state, suicidal attack.
- very worsen short therm memory but very good long therm memory ( from healthy state) with characteric ,,flashback", like dellirious mixing time and dimensions.
- very active REM sleep, very vivid dreams, often nightmarres. Often insomnia with no touch of bed pleasure, no relax, only bad thought racing.
-diarrhea and very bowel irritable.
- itchy body, hyperalgesia, seborrheic dermatitis, loose wrinkle changing scrotum but no erectile dysfunction.
- Very strong motion sickness.
-Lack of appetite.
- Very strong akathisia.
- Joint ache, inflammation, autoimmunological disease activation.
- Low blood pressure+tachycardia.
- sometimes mixed dimension and weird uncontrolled flashback from my childchood.
- no ,,time" ,,season" ,,clima" feeling. Sometimes visual snow and overcontrasted black-white vision.
- premature ejaculation, sometimes spontaneous during REM sleep.
My bad symptoms above^^ is recovered in clomipramine in 2010. Clomipramine is brought back my religiousness and magical creative thinking.2010-2016 is good time in me, but clomipramine changing my personality- remove stereotypical masculine, narcissistic, psychopathic psychopathic and remove ,,agressive libido". Clomipramine increase ,,delicate woman nature" in me and very increase my social anxiety, social shame feeling. I was ridiculed because of that. But anhedonia, dissociation not exist in this time.
In june 2016 clomipramine is replaced to escitalopram- my state is temporary slighty worsen- slighty anhedonic, slighty dissociative and psychodelic, my rem sleep is present again for few days. In winter 2016-2017 my Doctor replaced escitalopram to tianeptine, my state is also worsen in 25%- more anhedonia, more depression, less thought control and psychodelic-dissociation vibe and rebound REM sleep. This state is totally ,,recovered" in summer 2017 when my Doctor increase carbamazepne dose from 400 mg to 800 mg. This removed SSRIS and increase dose carbamazepine totally recovered my all bad symptomss and weak PSSD- feminine-oversensitive symptoms from clomipramine. My orgasm is like fantastic dream in this time, I wanking everyday in this time, my PSSD not exist. I feel fantastic in this summer-early autumn 2017 time, I feel very masculine, narcissistic and happy! In this time I found a girlriend and was attractive to woman. My barriers and fears is dizinhibited. At that time I also had a serious infection, I took ciprofloxacin. Ciprofloxacin increase carbamazepine serum and increase state to ,,alcoholic" euphoria like for few days, but tolerance to carbamazepine growth and growth :cry: . After ciprofloxacin discontinuation my mood drastically lowered to ,,slighty dysphoric" my barriers and anxiety returned with.... strong decreasing my libido. I didn't know what was wrong with me so I suddenly reduced my carbamazepine dose to 300 mg in 25 october 2017. I found myself in hell. I returned to my terror state from 10 years ago in risperidone, this is nightmare no life :cry: :cry: :cry:
But in my 2017-2018 winter my libido is no disappeared, but ,,other" symptoms, weird thoughts, and very severe anxiety+panic attack and anhedonia decrease my sexual activity to zero. My libido only dissapeared 20 july 2018 when I started amisulpride, this drug very worsen my all symptoms and induced very strong psychodelic trip and very empathy, sentimental and horrible anxiety state. My conscience and religiousness soared up on him that he completely suppressed sexual desire, I began to consider sex as a disgusting politeness. I had a strong desire to help children in Africa, I was still mortified and felt a very strong bond with my mother, which caused me to have nightmares and obsessive thoughts about her death in the future. My anhedonia is also worsen in this drug, Amisulpride is my trauma. My libido and sexual arousal never increase to level before amisulpride. This drug increase my prolactin to roof.
Carbamazepine is postsynaptic 5ht1a and GABAA agonist.

What meds/suppplements have you tried so far?
Escitalopram returned in november 2017- very slighty improve but stoped working after 3 weeks. Very strong erectile dysfuncytion and dementia like state.
Venlafaxine the same above but more ,,empathetic" and ,,anxiety" ,,sentiment" feeling, very creepy.
Tianeptine- no effect.
Agomelatine- Increase libido but no help in anhedonia, dissociation and bad thought.
Selegiline- Slighty increase libido and slighty reduced social anxiety, very weak drug, almost placebo.
Lamotrigine- no effect.
Reboxetine and bupropion, few days- this drug is terror for me :cry:
Propranolol- fatiqued and more depression, strong bad thought, dissociation, rebound effect after stop.
Pregabalin- is very addictive but I feel weird and psychodelic, I take one pills. Like benzodiazepines+ psychodelic aura. Weird flashback.
MACA ROOT+selegiline= fast libido and non contact erection rebound, I feel obsessive sexy and masculine but this effect is collapsed fast. But my anhedonia and rest symptoms: bad thought, dissociaation is constant very bad.
Nebiwolol- slighty fatiqued and decrease my tachycardia.
In amisulpride taking time:
Mianserin- increase autoimmunological disease and inflammation with increase depressive zone symptoms.
D=aspartic acid+sarcosine: worsen, very increase suicidal thought but probably weak nice reboind effect- slighty induced magical thinking and reduced anxiety, depression like low doses benzodiazepines.
Piracetam- Worsen, similar to above.
Benzodiazepine- Better and my libido is returned little, my hyper ,,worrying" empathy is decrease, bad rebound effect is inverse to NMDA agonists.
Vigabatrin- Few days improve my dissociative, anhedonia symptoms in few day, next is fast tollerance and horrible withdrawall syndrome- insomnia, nightmare and very suicidal desire, all my symptoms increase.
Moclobemide- 3 days slighty better state, next days- stoped working and start increase my anxiety and hyperempathy.
After Amisulpride discontinuation:
Tianeptine- no effect.
Cox 2 inhibitor- very worsen. ( probably from decrease serum plasma level carbamazepine)
Cyproheptadine- very worsen, very increase my all bad symptoms. Very suicidal and very nightmare time.
Metergoline- this is the strongest effect, recover my libido disaster from amisulpride. Decrease social anxiety and social shames. My libido was stronger than before amisulpride, but this drug increase empathy and sentiment-nostalgia to terror and induced psychodelic trip like feeling, but not result in my bad thought, and anhedonia, but metergoline is the best in my all tryed drug. I had strong retrospection and depressive rumination around my ,,old healthy me" in this drug with constant crying.
Memantine-few days increase libido and decrease my overempathy, first 2 days in memantine I could sleep well because it was canceling my nightmares, but after my tollerance growth to growth. Memantine discontinuation is probably not exist.
Beta histine- Worsen me, zero result for libido.
L-histidine- Slighty better libido but very worsen my all symptoms- anhedonia, dissociation.
Ranitidine- Slighty better my state but horrible rebound effect with worsen my symptoms and suicidal thought.
Dihenhydrinate- Induced very strong PSSD like symptoms, horrible.
Amentoflavone- increased plasma level carbamazepine and very improved my symptoms, only remission! ( this confirms that addiction to carbamazepine is problem)
Ginkgo Biloba- Worsen anxiety in first time, but slighty good rebound effect, improved my dementia feeling.
Yohimbine- Another strong effect. Similar to antdepressant drug in first 3 week time- more stimulation, more happiness, decrease suicidal thought but horrible side effect- nausea, insomnia, very strong vasoconstriction.
Agmatine ( opposite to above :D )- worsen me and induced suicidal thought. Improve my lack of appetite. And create strong psychodelic atmosphere.
Tropicamide ( muscarinic antagonists)- Horrible effect, similar to amisulpride. Very induced PSSD and overempathy. Kill my weak short therm memory. Short nice rebound effect day after.
Betel nut ( muscarinic agonist?)- Very addictive, this drug induced PSSD effect after stoped. Betel nut work very good symptomatically- reduced my PSSD to 0 but not reduced my anhedonia, bad thought and dissociation. Also reduced psychodelic feeling and overempathy, slighty similar to benzodiazepines. very improve my short therm memory. Other interesting effect is slighty nasal congestion in ,,bed" pose, I always problem with nasal congestion when was healthy.
Tadalafil- slighty help on my constant vasoconstriction.
L-arginine- no effect.
ZInc- Weird effect. First phase is sudden worsened my symptoms, after hew hours is rebound effect- stronger libido, lower empathy, good! But stoped working after betel nut discontinuation.
Clomipramine- 3 first week is very very improve my bad thought, dissociation, world is more real again, my anhedonia is also smaller, and my libido is higher! But stoped working after 3 week and decreasing my libido to zero after betel nut discontinuation. Actually clomipramine induced anticholinergic dellirium like tropicamide and very strong PSSD effect with suicidal thought and feel complete dead :( Horrible side effect like yohimbine- vasocontriction, strong inhibiting NO.
This drug is impossible to stoped because my bad thought and dissociation increase after this, but I feel rebound libido and masculinity after decrease dose.
I have also st john world and buspirone in home.

Do you have access to meds without prescription (buy online), or would strictly require a prescription for meds to try? - No :(
Can you tolerate garlicky foods? Yes.
What about proteins? - I very bad reacted to high glutamic acid, l-tryptophan and other derivated food- like egg, chicken, bananas;
Other information: My state is worsen after workout, training. My state also worsen during illness- like cold on flu. I had tend to constipation in old healthy me and more diarhea like in my bad state.
Caffeine reaction: I was less sensitive to caffeine before my bad symtoms, actually one cup of tea induced very worsened my all symtoms.
Bad reaction to alcohol- without euphoria, only vertigo and worsen my symtoms. Good reaction on weed- like metergoline, empathogenic and libidogenic in the same time, also my dissociation and bad thought is paradoxically smaller after smoking, but very bad withdrawal with strong nausea and bad thought in next days.
My last masturbate was almost 2 years ago. I don't feel any rare sexual or life needs. When I had sex several times a few months ago, I agreed with my 1/2 that I do not reach orgasm because then I get worse.
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

I heard that cinnamon very worsen me, more than GABAA antagonist.
I used few drop cinnamon essential oil per 3 days led me to hell.
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

I tryed st john world last 2 days, one pills ( this is risk with my clomipramine) for my upregulation 5ht1a, because my anhedonia is 100%.
I knew that st. john world strongly reduces the concentration of carbamazepine in the blood. It caused a serious worsened, I don't leave the house all day because I feel such strong fear. I have very strong thoughts about "running out of topics, things and putting off the reward." I feel terribly. I stopped feeling the seasons and time completely again, different dimensions are mixed up. As if the present, the future and the past were at the same time. It only confirms that I am heavily addicted to carbamazepine and my tolerance to it has increased cosmically because the 500 dose I am currently taking does not improve my symptoms. Please help, I have strong suicidal thoughts and I feel totally helplessnes.
I have also totally anorexia, migraine like headache and diarhea, very dancing bowels and body itching.
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kpavel
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by kpavel »

Hi, you look like a reading, thoughtful person, some symptoms in my opinion are valid, but I have a feeling your results with so much remedies have a dose of book info or false conclusion or exxageration (like for a cup of tea). Don't know, so much info and no structure or aim. Also you mention conditions instead of symptoms which makes people confused what you suffer from at all. If arecoline really helped you it's nicotinic receptor's action. Really has potential to improve anhedonia and short-term memory.

Cholinergic REM sleep induction response correlation with endogenous major depressive subtype.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?te ... +anhedonia

M2 muscarinic receptor may play role, people reporter worsened numbness with betanechol. Rem sleep connection.

You may try galantamine to see if it repeats positive effects of nuts :) .
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

Yes arecoline is very strong working in my PSSD like 100% recovered sexual dysfunction, and remove my excess rem activity.
My cup of tea is mistake, i had very confusion when wrote this post. I mean cup of coffee. I'm very bad reaction co caffeine.
Last days my state is worsen to enormous,
I couldn't even smile anymore. I was so dissociated. I had a strong sense of fear and the surroundings seemed like horror. My suicidal thoughts were so strong that I had to take memantine 10mg. Memantine always helps me a lot at the beginning, it has a clear anti-anxiety, anti-ocd effect ( my intrusive overational thought is slighty less intensive, my brain is slighty less rational, less black-white) Memantine also causes slighty emotional blunting and distance to world thanks to which I feel better and I do not have such tension with constant rumination about nonsense this world and potential catastrophic, but this effect of memantine disappears after a few days. That's why I take it ad hoc.
Memantine in this first ,,honey" day also removes my REM sleep and I can sleep well.
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kpavel
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by kpavel »

finities infinities wrote:Yes arecoline is very strong working in my PSSD like 100% recovered sexual dysfunction, and remove my excess rem activity.
My cup of tea is mistake, i had very confusion when wrote this post. I mean cup of coffee. I'm very bad reaction co caffeine.
Last days my state is worsen to enormous,
I couldn't even smile anymore. I was so dissociated. I had a strong sense of fear and the surroundings seemed like horror. My suicidal thoughts were so strong that I had to take memantine 10mg. Memantine always helps me a lot at the beginning, it has a clear anti-anxiety, anti-ocd effect ( my intrusive overational thought is slighty less intensive, my brain is slighty less rational, less black-white) Memantine also causes slighty emotional blunting and distance to world thanks to which I feel better and I do not have such tension with constant rumination about nonsense this world and potential catastrophic, but this effect of memantine disappears after a few days. That's why I take it ad hoc.
Memantine in this first ,,honey" day also removes my REM sleep and I can sleep well.
Well memantine may work if tricyclics and ssris remove your false fears. Some other people reported adverse reactions. Arecoline and galantamine should be opposite since they're agonists at alpha7nachr. You may try flaxseed oil limiting other fats to extent (omega3 to 6 ratio). This also helps stress a lot.
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

Yes acute memantine work very similar to benzodiazepines in low dose in me. I took 10 mg memantine- after few fours I feel that acute memantine remove my 25% to 50% symptoms and remove my suicidal though and totally helplessnes state. I feel more relaxed, more stable and more wolrd problem distance. Similar ,,antidepressant" effect but weaker and together with strong stimulation+insomnia is johimbine- this also decrease my suicidal thought. The both slighty increase my zero libido, but only slighty no strong like arecoline.
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Meso
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by Meso »

Hey, I'll reply to your thread soon. Most likely tomorrow. There's a lot to read here.

Sorry for not being as active on the forum. I'm working on the libido article and I literally have to read over a hundred studies per article. It takes a lot of time and dedication, but that's the least I can do for the benefit of the community.
"The Research Zone" is permanently down.
You are welcome to join my Discord research server: Click Here
finities infinities
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

I came back from training. After workout, I always get worse, I noticed that in the same way during stress and hangover - it always starts to hurt a lot, my body can't touch me and my consciousness expands and increases excessively.. A few days ago I got so bad that I couldn't stand it and I went back to memantine. I take 10mg every two days. - It works! Yesterday I added yohimbine, which it also treats on an ad hoc basis, gives me energy and strength. This mix meant that I could deal with painting - it's my passion, I am an artist and when I don't feel "magic" I can't do anything and I fall into thoughts of suicide.
I always try to have a wardrobe for a rainy day: memantyne, dextrometorphan and NE release drug- (no NRI!) Like yohimbine.
I heard that NMDA antagonist always help me, because decrease my awarenes and cognitive function, the same is from alfa2 antagonist- worsen concentration, my thought racing fasting i and thus become more diffused.
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Snake
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Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by Snake »

Welcome mate, Polish colony growing even bigger. Jesus Christ, you're 21 (same as me) and you have tried more drugs than anybody should during whole life span :o
Finding a cure is only a matter of time! Never quit!
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