Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

New members can only post here until they introduce themselves
lukejimmy
Posts: 60
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 8:29 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by lukejimmy »

I know how you feel but we are not alone i i have had this since 6 years since and it started when i was 11 years old so it has literally SEVERELY fucked up and completely stolen my teenage years away from me which I know are some of the worst years but are also the best at the same time and if I had never too Prozac and Risperdal my life would literally have been so dramatically different and better. I know most people on here would have been depressed before taking the drugs but it is extra cruel for me because I fucking loved my life and all the pleasurable good experiences everyday brought until my capacity for pleasure was completely diminished 100% without any fluctuations. I remember how I would wake up in the morning feeling refreshed with a genuine euphoric rush just because I was so excited to be alive and i miss it so much it hurts. I believe that like opioids cause a painful withdrawal syndrome and benzos cause a withdrawal that causes extreme anxiety and insomnia, antidepressants cause a depressive withdrawal syndrome. In theory If we all went back on our respective drugs that caused the 'persistent' dysfunction whatever symptoms they may be (such as Anhedonia in both of our cases) then we should cure the damage temporarily but this is not a permanent solution and potentially dangerous that make things worse when sober (off the drug). This theory is supported by the fact that pretty much all Post Acute Withdrawal Syndromes have in common including Opiates, Alcohol, Benzos and Dopamine Agonists withdrawal syndromes all cause extreme Anhedonia due to drug dependence.
If PSSD and our SEVERE Anhedonia is a result of a Protracted Withdrawal syndrome, I believe that instead of treating it with drugs that improve symptoms, we should do the opposite as this is what caused the withdrawal syndrome in the first place. This is because any drug that improves the symptoms whether you are taking it short-term or long-term is just MIMICKING the effects of which ever drug cause the withdrawal syndrome leading to FURTHER drug dependence and WORSENING of symptoms once it is DISCONTINUED. For treating opiate addiction KOR agonists like Naltroxene that mimic dynorphins and cause Anhedonia, Dysphoria and Anxiety basically exactly the OPPOSITE of Opiate Mu Opioid receptor agonists COUNTER-INTUITIVELY CURE the opiate dependence. My guess is that a REVERSE Post Acute Protracted Withdrawal occurs after the Dynorphin-like KOR agonist is also discontinued that pretty much restores the massive fuck up that is dopamine reward system back to HOMEOSTASIS.
Ever since I developed this condition my first intuition was that the exact opposite of whatever Prozac is has to be a permanent cure according to pure logic.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

Yes! And this very difficult, because is too less research about drug withdrawall, of course opiate withdrawal is ideal for naltrexone, but carbamazepine? Opiate is mu opioid agonist. Carbamazepine is unknown drug. This is very poorly studied drug.
I take constant carbamazepine but lower dose: 500 mg. My PAWS syndrom is related to: mix carbamazepine+ciprofloxacin ( this antibiotics very increase plasma serum carbamazepine)+ cut my carbamazepine from 800 to 300. I remember that grapefruit strongly increased plasma level carbamazepine few months ago and very improve my symptoms. Probably this lifted level carbamazepine during ciprofloxacin 2 years ago was very higher than 800 mg, maybe 1600mg? This is probably toxic dose.
I miss the years: 2014, 2015 and 2016 - I call them years at the peak. I want this person to come back someday so that I can get to know myself again in the mirror. When I look in the mirror I see a stranger, I feel strange, empty, I don't know who I am. As if PAWS has completely dissolved my personality. Life is like watch movie without voices- emptiness. My city has become foreign, my family has become foreign. As if everything was just "rendered form / shapes in computer".

I know only that carbamazepine is SRA- serotonin releasing agent, GABAA agonist/positive allosteric modulator and sodium channel blocker.
That's why I talked to the doctor about it and we decided how there would be no improvement on my next visit to flumazenil injection- is strong selective gabaa antagonist.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

Yes! As you think, I write after workout. My state always very worsen after workout. This should seem simple and a good tip - strength training raises a substance in the brain that is responsible for ALL my symptoms! Workout can worsen my condition so much that it completely contacts reality, e.g. today.
I did not know what the receptionist gives, I approach before disguise and give her the key - I don't know why, I felt so bad that I did not know what I was doing and I had blurred vision - it is the brightness and sharpness of the edges that always accompany me, especially in moments of worsening. In addition, the total loss of control and concentration by strengthening negative thoughts about the depletion of things, derealization and tremendous fear. Then I did after again and gave her a bus ticket instead of a subscription. After training, I always become suicidal, my intestines are starting to work intensively again and my akathisia is intensifying. When I had weak windows before training that I could feel anything, workout always destroys it - my motivations, my libido, my hopes. Before training, I started to take care of myself, life seemed more "hopes" to me, I even thought about hair transplantation (before PAWS I was a person very concentrated on my appearance and very caring about it). The training deleted everything, the hair became only rendered again forms and I have strong intrusive thoughts about hairstyles that can get exhausted, again I do not feel alive, just as if I had died and lived in what they call "astral world", very dellirious, dezorientation.
I don't know what to do, I feel one great hopelessness, dysphoria, I want to commit suicide because I can't stand the tension and anxiety, my thoughts, hipervigilance.
My hyperalgesia also very increase after workout, my all body very ache, I'm very sensitive to touch. I feel my brain explode like a car's overheated engine. I have enough of this, not enough that my brain has practically no brakes, this workout always causes me to lose my inhibitions and bombard me with my worst thoughts and world peception, which are so terrible that I can't stand it and I want to run into suicide because after training I won't fall asleep because I'm always overly excited.
Please help me! :cry: :cry: :cry:
Why did someone have to give me carbamazepine 10 years ago and make me addicted to her, after all, this drug is nothing but a normal fucking benzos.
Because of this addiction, I have a fucked up and wasted life, I can't live with PAWS.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2 ... 101241.htm
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23377269
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

My mom she baked muffins yesterday. She was telling me something about them today. Today I feel that I was immediately attacked by a painful thought - I imagined this muffin, its shape and it is known that when baking everyone has a different arrangement of pores, shapes that can run out, that new products may be missing. And yet there are so many different events in my life, I imagine myself in the future as muffins, then again like them and each time they have a different shape and I notice it and I panic. That each baked muffin exhausts another combination of shapes, that I have to notice the details that others miss and live in indifference. I feel that life is a computer game, I feel that today I may not fall asleep I feel terribly. Yesterday evening, I was all lame then anxiety, because my thoughts got stuck on how nothing really is in this magical life, but I perceived it as magical, that a few years ago I took a picture of myself where I had this type of hairstyle, and what will I have the same hair style in a while and am I in a state of aversion? Will that nice time be overwritten with the current one because I looked the same and my associations about me would change to aversive? I disgust myself with a good time, and yet it can happen because there is a limited number of hairstyles, we have 10,000 hair per cm2 and you can bend this hair in a limited number of ways. And you can't change anything to .... But it's hard to describe my perception and information processing. But this is terrible, today I had diarrhea and my intestines are very mobile, since yesterday I have a reflection of REM sleep with nightmares again, please help because I can't stand it.
This is the difference between the former me and the present one - it is a sense of lack of hope and this painful extremely real "dead" raw, reality, without magic, uniqueness of moments.
The current person knows that my mother will die in the future and I am afraid of this, she is preparing for it, I feel that I will not avoid it.
Former me before PAWS thought differently: You don't know if your mother will die, maybe a miracle will happen and will last forever? You have nothing to worry about that is not certain?
Do you see this difference? The former self had unrealistic hopes and magical thinking, the current self thought brutally realistically. Help me please, I want to bring me back.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

Tragedy :cry: :cry: :cry:
As if the inner world and experience were inconsistent and not adapted to current events of the outer world - which creates a "fence", cut off from it. As if the memory of past events was overactive and uncontrolled, inhibiting the rest like the whole brain, which causes complete loss and loss of sense of time, mixing dimensions.
For example, being in lectures today I can suddenly and unexpectedly go back a few months in the past, feel a sudden feeling that I felt a few months ago, although there is no rare triggering stimulus. I can't control it, which causes me to lose time. - I don't know what time it is, day of the week, everything is devoid of identity, depersonalized. It causes me a feeling of strong fear and hopelessness, awareness of how much my brain is damaged.
I did something for you the day before yesterday- I reduced carbamazepine from 500 to 400 so that you have proof that it is PAWS. And so, a reduction of only 10 mg caused a very strong worsened, probably complete withdrawal would result in death, complete confusion of senses, dellirium tremens.
lukejimmy
Posts: 60
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 8:29 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by lukejimmy »

finities infinities wrote:Yes, all symptoms and my brain damage started with risperidone. It was the school's fault that forced my parents to visit a psychiatrist and muddled me with drugs because I was "hyperactivity".
The exact same thing happened in my experience when I was only 11 all because my teacher portrayed me as a little hitler to my parents so the school council or whatever had a meeting convincing my parents i was full on autistic mostly because this one teacher thought i was retarded in terms of social skills and that i had 0 friends which I later read on my Austistic diagnostic criteria. I honestly had a really good best friend back throughout my entire childhood until i moved to a different school the next year. I also remember having a fair amount of good friends and enemies as well but the point is a had a very active mostly positive social life during this time period UNTIL i was eventually diagnosed with 'Mild Aspergers Syndrome' by a psychiatrist who thought that somehow the combination of Fluoxetine and Risperidone was the best course of treatment like what the fuck? this is literally his entire life careers work and he think that is an appropriate course of treatment? I remember I had this strange intuition that was completely irrational (I was only 11 and didn't know shit about drugs or side-effects) that this was poison and I didn't need (('medication')) for some made up disease i never even met the stupid pop psychology criteria for. My parents were brainwashed by the system and just did not like my personality or enjoy living with the person I was for whatever reason and just wanted some magic pill that would cure my 'autism'' haha. Anyway it was probably months of them drilling information into my trying to convince me to take these drugs to the point they were probably going to force-feed them to me until I eventually gave in because I couldn't hand the punishments they would give for not taking them. My dad bribed me to take after he let me watch World War Z at the Cinemas so i ended up taking them despite my own instincts that it would somehow become the biggest regret i will make in my entire life.

Any way after I took these two drugs I developed basically every symprom you described and the worst is the severe anhedonia and the world seems very dull almost like it is an empty void of nothingness. It is such a contrast in perception to what I felt before the drugs like the "magic" of life disappeared.

When you took risperidone how long did you take it for before you discontinued it and what exactly was the symptoms of permanent damage? Did it disappear after stopping the drug? Did you have pleasureless orgasms taking any of those list of drugs at all in your life?
I'm curious because its confusing trying to figure whether fluoxetine or risperidine is causing the permanent effects after discontinuation.
lukejimmy
Posts: 60
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 8:29 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by lukejimmy »

You still have hope that I do not have because if you truly know that Carbamazepine dependence is what is causing all of these symptoms then you might not have Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome and your withdrawal might not last as long as mine which has been 6 years (but Im not even sure it is a SSRI PAWS in my case) but might only last months or weeks if you are fortunate. Obviously please don't kill yourself by stopping Carbamazepine completely because if you taper too fast you could die from the withdrawals like in the case of benzos.

Honestly if I was you I would under strict supervision and permission by an experienced Psychiatrist or Doctor taper extremely slowly and carefully by like 5 mg every week in total (lower if you have to and it is possible?) and over the course over a year you would be down to like 25mgs of Carbamazapine instead of 300mgs a day until eventually you have completely discontinued the drug. Has your psychiatrist or whatever suggested this to you? I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't because he wouldn't be able to make any money of you. I swear SSRI's are marketed by big pharma because the withdrawal is so severe and long lasting that it is extremely difficult to discontinue because this guarantees long term customers instead of actually treating depression it just prolongs it.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

In my case it was so self-serving for my autistic appearance. Only it was strange that risperidone greatly aggravated my social deficits, because I as a person from birth highly sensitive and empathetic has become even more. I was crying all the time on risperidone and life was a nightmare. I took this medicine for about 2 months. From December 2008 to February 2009 - then the doctor replaced him with quetiapine, no improvement, I was extreme empathetic and anxious only after discontinuation of quetiapine there was a sharp improvement, like a reflection effect, which made me feel normally on vacation 2009, unfortunately then when winter 2009 was approaching -2010 the problem returned, and in February 2010 I was prescribed clomipramine for it, which removed these symptoms and it was good again.
Everything was fine until I cut carbamazepine in october 2017- then I experienced PAWS which has simulated risperidone. I feel the same as if I was taking risperidone even though I don't take it.
Let's think logically where the anchor point is( is this is my hypothesis):
Risperidone is:
Strong D2 antagonist, 5ht2a antagonist, 5ht7 antagonist, H1 antagonist and strong alpha2 antagonist- almost all this receptor is inhibiting excitative neurotransmitter- alpha2 inhibiting norepinephrine and increase prefrontal activity, 5ht2a decrease locus coeruleus activity, 5ht7 decrease prefrontal glutamate and increase prefrontal serotonin, D2 also increase glutamate, prolactin and acetylcholine.
Carbamazepine is probably:
SRA, postsynaptic 5ht1a agonist: decrease glutamate and acetylcholine in hippocampus, release ACTH, beta endorphin GABAA- this receptor inhibiting glutamate.
inverse to carbamazepine: increase glutamate in hippocampus, reduced ACTH and beta endorphin release and enhanced glutamate for GABAA downregulation. Beta endorphin reduced LC acrtivity, 5ht2a- enhanced LC activity, D2 antagonist- increase glutamate, 5ht1a/GABAA downregulation also enhanced glutamate and norepinephrine LC activity, like alpha2 antagonist= maybe
a common feature of carbamazepine and risperidone may be excessive activity of excitatory neurotransmitters = glutamate, and possibly acetylcholine or norepinephrine. I read that the NMDA receptor has an antipsychotic effect = it removes the magic of life, so maybe here is the problem, excessive glutamate activity, suppresses the circuits responsible for magical thinking, causes excessive alertness and anxiety, stress reaction that suppresses libido and hedonic reaction.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

In my case it was so self-serving for my autistic appearance. Only it was strange that risperidone greatly aggravated my social deficits, because I as a person from birth highly sensitive and empathetic has become even more. I was crying all the time on risperidone and life was a nightmare. I took this medicine for about 2 months. From December 2008 to February 2009 - then the doctor replaced him with quetiapine, no improvement, I was extreme empathetic and anxious only after discontinuation of quetiapine there was a sharp improvement, like a reflection effect, which made me feel normally on vacation 2009, unfortunately then when winter 2009 was approaching -2010 the problem returned, and in February 2010 I was prescribed clomipramine for it, which removed these symptoms and it was good again.
Everything was fine until I cut carbamazepine in october 2017- then I experienced PAWS which has simulated risperidone. I feel the same as if I was taking risperidone even though I don't take it.
Let's think logically where the anchor point is( is this is my hypothesis):
Risperidone is:
Strong D2 antagonist, 5ht2a antagonist, 5ht7 antagonist, H1 antagonist and strong alpha2 antagonist- almost all this receptor is inhibiting excitative neurotransmitter- alpha2 inhibiting norepinephrine and increase prefrontal activity, 5ht2a decrease locus coeruleus activity, 5ht7 decrease prefrontal glutamate and increase prefrontal serotonin, D2 also increase glutamate, prolactin and acetylcholine.
Carbamazepine is probably:
SRA, postsynaptic 5ht1a agonist: decrease glutamate and acetylcholine in hippocampus, release ACTH, beta endorphin GABAA- this receptor inhibiting glutamate.
inverse to carbamazepine: increase glutamate in hippocampus, reduced ACTH and beta endorphin release and enhanced glutamate for GABAA downregulation. Beta endorphin reduced LC acrtivity, 5ht2a- enhanced LC activity, D2 antagonist- increase glutamate, 5ht1a/GABAA downregulation also enhanced glutamate and norepinephrine LC activity, like alpha2 antagonist= maybe
a common feature of carbamazepine PAWS and risperidone may be excessive activity of excitatory neurotransmitters = glutamate, and possibly acetylcholine or norepinephrine. I read that the NMDA receptor has an antipsychotic effect = it removes the magic of life, so maybe here is the problem, excessive glutamate activity, suppresses the circuits responsible for magical thinking, causes excessive alertness and anxiety, stress reaction that suppresses libido and hedonic reaction.
finities infinities
Posts: 222
Joined: Sat Aug 24, 2019 9:37 am
Contact:

Re: Finities-infinities intro. Very strong enormous anhedonia.

Unread post by finities infinities »

I was tired of suicidal thoughts and total hopelessness all night. Still those nightmares about falling out teeth that I dreamed of today. That only suicide can save me, well what happened tragedy, I learned the uncomfortable truth of life two years ago when I reduced carbamazepine, I stopped living in a world of illusion and saw the world as it is - like senseless matter in which nothing is real and nothing joy. I have wasted 2 years of my life, I think that it may no longer be a rescue for me, suicide awaits me. I don't feel the need to do anything anymore, I just lay there, I even stopped going to college, wash and eat, total stupor. Why did this idiot have to give me that fucking carbamazepine 10 years ago, making me so addictive that I can't handle it now. I feel and come to the terrible conclusions that I am nothing, does not exist, total nihilist, all my value was carbamazepine, which in a bestial way after reducing it left me giant emptiness.
I feel so amazing tearing in my chest pain and tension that I can't stand it, after reducing the dose from 500 to 400 my hands started shaking again, I feel flu symptoms and my heart rate in the morning was up to 130 and nocturnal sweating and strong akathisia again. I don't want to live like this, please help!
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests