Im 37 female I have been on and off meds since my teens with no issues and was already on a few different drugs long term before I began the med that caused my pssd. Citalopram, mini pill, omeprazole, Propranalol and diazepam. I had previously been on sertraline for years with no problems as well and this was my third round of being on citalopram. I had no issues on these meds until I tried a new type an antipsychotic
My story is I got pssd from an antipsychotic risperidone two years ago on the 1st of this month first noticed 1st of may 2023 after only a month on the med. I had a sexual encounter where he performed oral sex on me and I couldn’t feel a single thing! I was shocked! However I palmed this off on being nervous as wasn’t sexually active and it had been a while. I came off the med due to other side affects not recognising at the time the genital numbness was one of them
As I wasn’t aware of what I had I went on some other medications after this which in hindsight was making my genital numbness worse as time went on. I only really noticed weak orgasms as in the beginning my clitoral suction toy felt it worked normally but when I noticed a weak orgasm I again blamed it on depression and that maybe I was used to my toy. I ended up on Mirtazapine twice and even tried another antipsychotic aripiprazole and even though I had agitation off that one I noticed it made me feel more aroused than usual. This is when I noticed numbness a little when using my fingers clitorally but it didn’t click at this point even I had an issue. It was only on my second sexual encounter a year and a half later where the same thing happened again and I couldn’t feel oral sex I panicked connected the two scenarios and started googling. I also remember I couldn’t feel deep penetration and it just didn’t feel quite right in there or as sensitive when he used his fingers either.
I found out about pssd and I got my clitoral suction toy out for first time in ages and noticed how much sensation had deteriorated and frantically started testing and trying. I never used to bother internally really but I did with my toy and noticed I couldn’t feel any vibrations from the toy! The back was numb! Couldn’t feel it in positions I liked but oddly could it feel it in two I didn’t like.
I called the doctor for timeline of my meds and as the title said ssri I didn’t consider antipsychotic caused it it was a misleading title so I thought it must be the citalopram and hastily decided to taper this year and a half after first noticing the symptom. In the first week of reduced dose I felt genital numbness getting worse. I did a 9 week taper as advised by my GP. I was reading symptoms could get worse or new ones appear but I was hoping that wouldn’t be the case for me and then when I asked the timeline of my antipsychotic I realised it was the antipsychotic so thought this deterioration was temporary. In the meantime from become obsessed and testing and trying I learnt how to orgasm internally vaginally and it felt stronger than clitorally and felt I had found a coping mechanism even though I was still compromised in the back and other areas and I had acheived a vaginal orgasm pre pssd so I know they were weaker but still strong and I didn’t mind because it used to take me ages and never really bothered internally so I could cope
What I never prepared myself for sadly was a month and a half after tapering this ssri citalopram my coping mechanism was stolen from me! My vaginal orgasms became pleasureless I was distraught! It’s been that way since beginning of March now so for three months
my clitoris feels just as numb as the first week of taper and didn’t go back to that baseline and then my clitoral orgasm became so weak I have no pulsing and it’s hardly worth it! I have clitoral erectile dysfunction it doesn’t engorge and if I orgasm there it’s not sensitive after orgasm like it used to be and I can just go again everything is so weak. I also have numb nipples I suffer with mental health which is why I’m on all these meds I have BPD I hyper focus and become obsessed so this has consumed me and the new symptom of pleasurless orgasm so long after getting pssd and just after learning how to do them is driving me insane I feel so unlucky it breaks my heart
What’s worse I have health anxiety and I recognised a TikTok video talking about pssd that I actually saw not long before I tried the offending medication! I couldn’t watch it as it scared me but I thought oh I should be ok I been on these meds for years! Totally forgot about the video and it was literally not long after with extreme anxiety that the next med I took caused it! I couldn’t believe it I missed my warning! But I realised anyway the title is ssri and I was trying a different group antipsychotic so maybe I still would have thought I’d be ok if I remembered anyway
I am a Hypersexual person I still have libido and desire I get attached to people from my bpd and look externally for happiness in Hypersexual as a result of childhood abuse and if anyone should have been castrated it should have been my abuser not me! I had spent thr last few years actually fighting the police for messing my case up and suing them and spent several years before that struggling with mental health 12 single and lonely and trying to sort my life out and little did I know this was in store for me
Oral sex used to be my favourite thing I can no longer feel at all. My strong suction toy for the clitoris I can hardly feel at all after messing about with my meds like I have! My finger can only feel about 3% and I hard such a hard life self pleasure I used to self soothe and was my only guaranteed pleasure in life I took got granted and I’ve lost it and my whole identity! I was only just coming to terms with what I had and hastily came off another med and made it so much worse
I scour the forums for success stories and it’s scary how many people have been stuck for so long even in already two years but only fully aware of my situation for seven months and sadly much worse in the last three months with my symptoms
I feel like my life is over I have withdrawn from family and friends everyday is traumatic I’m obsessively testing and not testing hurts just as much as feels like forced celibacy I’ve tried therapy and it doesn’t work I cry everyday over this and there’s triggers everywhere watching sex scenes on tv seeing people about thinking you don’t have this seeing couples is even worse Valentine’s Day I sobbed sexual song lyrics set me off it’s so hard even wiping myself after the toilet and washing myself in the bath and feeling how numb I am devastates me
I don’t know if I can have a relationship now as I would feel so jealous seeing them receive and feel things I simply can’t something that used be so important to me sex was a big part of a relationship for me due to my Hypersexuality
I hope I’ve covered everything and I know my post is long but thanks for reading. Il end this by saying I’m too scared too mess about with the last few meds I’m on after getting worse like I have so I’m left on diazepam Propranalol mini pill and omeprazole
