Pregnancy experience

[Coolbeans]

I thought I'd share here my experience with being pregnant with PSSD in case it's of help or interest to anyone, before I have a new addition to occupy me. I've been suffering PSSD for about 9 years now, after taking Cymbalta for 1 year, and am eight months pregnant.

As others have reported, there seemed to be no effect on fertility as I fell pregnant 1st attempt. I have read in other forums people claiming that pregnancy has cured their PSSD. Unfortunately my experience does not reflect this - I had two days in the first trimester and one at the start of the third where I actually felt some return of libido, but there was no return of sensation to accompany this. The result was feeling like a mad animal who has zero way of being satisfied, and it was also painful to have a reminder of what I've lost, how things used to be. Although, what I would give to know what was different in my body on those days to have that change occur... Otherwise, somehow it has felt like my lack of physical sensation has become worse, which didn't seem possible before. Of course with so many changes in the body plus the tiredness that comes with being pregnant it's not really possible to attribute that change to one thing or another. What has been hard is all the learning you have to do as part of pregnancy, which often talks about effects on sex drive, nipple stimulation during birth, lots of talk of oxytocin and being subject to videos with real sounds of women giving birth which sounds a lot like something else... constant reminders about the fact that I don't function at all, meaning that I spend a lot of time thinking about my PSSD and crying.

I am afraid of my ability to bond with the baby once it arrives given my lack of hormonally-driven feelings. I will note that I was not a baby person even before taking Cymbalta, so it's possible this could have been a challenge for me anyway - I don't want anyone who loves babies to feel that this is necessarily a risk for them.

Anyway, not 100% sure of what I was trying to achieve with this post other than to bust the myth of 'pregnancy will cure you!" and to reinforce that fertility is not affected.

[Terabithia]

I’m really sorry that you have to go through this with a baby on the way. I don’t really have much to say aside from words of hope and encouragement. Something I realized throughout my PSSD journey is that all the emotions and my old self are still there but just under a heavy blanket. So maybe knowing that will help you realize that you do inherently love your baby even though you can’t access those feelings right now.

I don’t think you should read much into the windows you experienced. I am curious though if you’ve ever tried any drugs or supplements since you got PSSD?

Good luck on your pregnancy and wishing you all the best!

[Coolbeans]

Thanks for your supportive words. I do relate to your belief that the feelings are still there somewhere, your brain just can’t access them. However after 9 years I don’t hold much hope that I’ll ever be able to.

I have not tried any other substances since getting PSSD, just antibiotics a couple of times and pregnancy supplements. I’m pretty scared to put anything in my body without incredibly good reason now.