Recovered after almost 4 years

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Samsa
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Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:23 am
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Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by Samsa »

Hi folks,

I had originally written a lengthier post detailing my case history and so on but there was an error with the site when I tried to submit and it all disappeared. So here's a brief version of my story.

Sertraline for three months after a period of poor mental health. Tapered off at doc's advice after experiencing all round sexual dysfunction. Symptoms (very low to non existent libido, ED, weak orgasms) persisted after a couple of months so I googled and discovered PSSD and this forum.

Long story short my recovery was, I suppose, gradual. I don't doubt there was a pharmaceutical/chemical explanation at the beginning but I believe I manifested the continuation of my symptoms. I tried so many bullshit supplements and wasted a lot of money - including some on 'consultations' - because I was terrified and seeking relief, seeking answers. I believe my recovery really started when I stopped visiting the forums, the reddit or whatever, and just making an effort to fucking RELAX. I believe I gave my condition power by being stubborn, by believing I was broken, and rejecting any opinion to the contrary out of the anger and frustration and contempt I had for doctors and the pharmaceutical industry (the latter of which I don't contest is a rotten, unfeeling capitalist machine).

I recovered by being humble in the face of what was happening to me, by opening myself up to the possibility that I might not be permanently damaged and by becoming aware of how anxiety and fear was affecting my psychological and physical state. I lived a healthy life, seeing friends, reading books, working out and eating well. Getting with a partner who I find very attractive also helped. At first I used tadalafil but then challenged myself by not taking it and things continued to work well - and witnessing this really helped me turn a corner. My libido returned to normal.

If I could give my past self some advice it would be don't worry. Please do not worry so much, and try not to be so scared. These feelings are counterintuitive to your journey back, not back to where you were but to a better, more humble, more grateful future. Listen to sense, listen to your body and not to other scared people on the Internet. There are charlatans out there that will convince you of things that might not be true. Don't be so quick to condemn yourself. The mind is a powerful thing. Be kind to it.

I am aware that what I describe might be dismissed as a lighter, less severe case of PSSD or not even PSSD at all. That's fair enough. But at one point I was so certain that it was what I heard described here so often. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. Slowly, I unravelled.

I hope this helps. I don't want to stick around for too long but if you have any questions you can ask.
Flo
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2022 12:20 pm
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by Flo »

Hi Samsa,

firstly, I am so pleased for you. I hope you are going to be able to move on with your life and put this awful condition behind you. Secondly, thank you so much for stopping by to post. Some of us are new to the realisation about what may have happened and we need every crumb of hope that we can get.

Can I ask, did you experience numbness or change in skin sensation (genital or body), and did you experience emotional numbing and cognitive symptoms? Also, how did the recovery present itself - windows or gradual improvement?

Your attitude is great and I'm sure that this will have had a positive impact on your recovery - stress doesn't help anything.

Thanks, Flo
Samsa
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:23 am
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by Samsa »

Flo wrote: Fri Jul 22, 2022 11:04 am Hi Samsa,

firstly, I am so pleased for you. I hope you are going to be able to move on with your life and put this awful condition behind you. Secondly, thank you so much for stopping by to post. Some of us are new to the realisation about what may have happened and we need every crumb of hope that we can get.

Can I ask, did you experience numbness or change in skin sensation (genital or body), and did you experience emotional numbing and cognitive symptoms? Also, how did the recovery present itself - windows or gradual improvement?

Your attitude is great and I'm sure that this will have had a positive impact on your recovery - stress doesn't help anything.

Thanks, Flo
Hi Flo,

I know what you mean about needing every crumb of hope. I felt the exact same way. I scoured the Internet for positive stories to feel less afraid. But I now look at that behaviour as problematic in its own way, in that I was relying on the external, on what I read and heard, to help calm me down. I had to dismiss all of that to get into a properly restorative headspace.

I didn't experience skin numbing, only numbed sexual sensation. I think I had windows which, again, gave me hope but led to me focusing too much on how my 'condition' was behaving and being too analytical. I would say it was gradual but it was a gradual climbing down from a position of total certainty to one that was more open to other possibilities that really helped me.

Hope that answers your question :)
Flo
Posts: 20
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2022 12:20 pm
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by Flo »

Thank you Samsa, and I wish you all the best for your future.
6-Eggs!
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by 6-Eggs! »

That's great to hear. Absolutely mental state and attitude play a significant role in recovery.

I was diagnosed with FND as PSSD or PWS/PAWS isn't an officially recognized condition and while I didn't know I had something of a PSSD/PWS variety, I studied FND pretty extensively and it is well established that the physical symptoms of FND are very tightly tied with mental state and thought patterns and treatment involves simply having a diagnosis, CBT and getting on with life. People who mentally dwell on their condition are significantly at risk of poor to no recovery where those that take positive approach and get back to life, work etc almost all make a full recovery within 3-5 years. It's amazing such a condition exists and the way it manifests.

It seems so counter to our understanding of functional brain/neurological disorders that it's all physical but FND shows that is far from the case. As soon as I was taken serous and had some sort of diagnosis made, I'd say 50% of my worst symptoms disappeared once I walked out of that hospital the same day I walked in.

In the 8 months I have made major improvements, even though I still have a long way to go. After a certain point in my recovery I no longer care that I have this and just know I will get better as I have been through multi year long critical health problems before from a young age and I fully recovered from those so I can do it again. And just like that, I am getting better.
Ventus
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Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2022 4:02 pm
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by Ventus »

Thats great! It gives me hope since I have had some small improvements in some areas that maybe eventually I will heal.
bupropioninducedPSSD
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by bupropioninducedPSSD »

This is wonderful to read. Thank you for posting.

Another positive note for those with anxiety about sexual encounters with women: most of us are way more understanding than you realize about this stuff. Long before I had PSSD I encountered a few men here and there who had erectile issues. It was a challenge. It was hot. It made us get creative, try new things, and it stayed on my mind long afterwards because I wanted to help solve the issue (from a purely selfish perspective as well, for satisfaction of my own). Suspense and delay are not always a bad thing, especially when dealing with sexuality, especially with women (who generally need a bit more time to get there than men—not time getting fucked, just time being intimate, which anyone can be anytime).
HzeTmy
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Joined: Tue May 17, 2022 1:31 pm
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Re: Recovered after almost 4 years

Unread post by HzeTmy »

Hi Samsa, nice to hear but what about Erection Quality ? How much % recovered ? Even if i get a morning wood once a month or so it is very weak like 35% ...

This is sick because i stopped ejaculation i should have full power to the roof honestly ...
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