intro

[THEWONTONt]

About four years ago, I started taking Lexapro (20mg). Within a few months, I felt extremely suicidal, depressed, and anxious. I had never been suicidal before taking an SSRI—I only had mild anxiety, but my doctor insisted this medication would help. When I told him it was making me suicidal, he added Effexor at the highest dose.

This combination caused genital numbness and made me so suicidal that I began researching assisted suicide. I begged my doctor to let me stop, but he told me to keep taking it. I quit cold turkey, and thankfully, the numbness went away, and I stabilized. But the suicidal thoughts lingered.

A year later, I tried Zoloft. The same thing happened—this time with memory problems, depersonalization, and such severe panic attacks that I couldn’t even drink coffee. I stayed on it for another year before quitting last January. At first, I felt better—my anxiety was still there, but the suicidal thoughts faded.

Then, after a family crisis and a sleepless night, I started getting brain shocks. For three months, I barely slept, and my anxiety became so extreme that my hair fell out. A doctor prescribed an antipsychotic, which made me lose even more hair (all over my body) and turned me into a zombie. I quit after two weeks.

Hospitalized and desperate, I was forced onto a mood stabilizer and Zoloft again. The suicidal thoughts returned. I felt awful and no longer trusted doctors and became very skeptical of them. I continued to have panic attacks so severe and couldn't sit for very long without my legs twitching. I no longer could function my parents made me try Cymbalta, which left me sleepless for five days, completely numb genitally, and with such bad brain fog and memory issues that I’d go to fill up my car and pay for gas, then drive away without filling up. My brain burned constantly, like it was on fire. I quit cold turkey again.

Now, a year later, I’m a shell of myself. I feel no emotions—no joy from music, no love for my family (though I know I love them), no runner’s high. I used to be passionate and full of life; now, I’m empty. My genitals are so numb I could take a Loofah and rub the head of my penis and not feel it. I have side effects now that I have never had in my life like headaches daily, tingling and burning in my hands and feet, I cannot look at the sky anymore without constant floaters taking over all my vision no matter how hydrated I am. I also have memory issues and brain fog. I have been getting worse cognitively over the past year. My parents finally understand PSSD and feel awful, but all I can do is keep going and warn others. But I must admit I am struggling and don't know what else to do.

[Kael]

God bless you. YOu could go for lawsuit bro. Where are you from ?

[THEWONTONt]

Thank you bro, I wish but it just isn't realistic to sue them and win without a class action. I am from the United States. And you're from Nepal?

[Kael]

Yes