Intro
Posted: Sat Oct 17, 2020 9:34 pm
Hi, M24, I had depression that started a year ago. Everything was fine until I had sever anxiety and a breakdown like no other (May 2019). I thought it would go away but it got very bad, thought my brain was going to explode. I felt slight retardation, feeling like I wanted to die, guilt. I then went on to see a psychiatrist and take sertraline 25mg (July 2019) then bumped it up to 50mg. I then took that with rexulti for a while and got better. However, instead of getting cured I just felt numb. I then took Wellbutrin 300mg (October 2019) and it did not do much. My main symptoms were anhedonia across. I was also in school at that time and was completely alone (minimal help). I did not feel anything but stress from school made me a mess. I then took viibryd fomr December to January and again, it did not do much improvement. Psychiatrist then recommended adderall for adhd, effexor and eventually lithium (I did not take any of them). That's when I realized that the psychiatrist was just toying around with meds. In March 2020, I tried 3 ketamine infusions. They were expensive and i gave it my last shot thinking ketamine eases depression in TRD patients. I wasn't able to finish the rest due to COVID. Ketamine eased a lot of anxiety but the dreaded anhedonia remained. I should note that the feelings of horror guilt ended with viibryd. After that it was strictly anhedonia. Anyways in April 2020, I researched and found out about testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) for men. MY testosterone levels were low/low normal. I thought getting T up would fix the depression as many people have had success with testosterone therapy. I took that route for about 5-6 months. I did notice some improvement in energy and brain fog which was unbearable go away. I still felt irritable, tired, and had no emotions. I tried so many options to combat whatever I had. Any blood test i took showed everything was normal, brain and back MRI is normal. I have destroyed all my relationships. Now I have the following symptoms: No libido, No arousal or sensation whatsoever, no emotions, can't feel, can't feel love, connection, don't want to socialize, can't feel pleasure in anything, can't feel orgasms, poor memory, lack of focus, speech is poor, have to fake things, no sense of well being, genital anesthesia, genital feels limp like noodle.
This brings me here to this forum unfortunately, I feel like I have tried everything. I don't know what to do and need help...
This brings me here to this forum unfortunately, I feel like I have tried everything. I don't know what to do and need help...