I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

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histamine1
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I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by histamine1 »

Hi I'm a 17 year old female. I had an adverse reaction to St. John's wort, Same and Effexor. in January. Ended up with Serotonin syndrome. Had to quick taper off my Effexor and went into full on protracted withdrawal. I had windows and waves of PSSD, anhedonia, tinnitus, visual snow. I went to inpatient because I was suicidal. They gave me some drugs I reacted adversely too, including buspar. I got off of it and left the hospital in worse shape than I got there, no meds. For another four weeks, I slowly regained my sleep and feelings. Lots of windows still. I gained back pretty much all of my feelings by April and I decided to take Lamictal low dose for sleep. Adversely reacted and ended up in the hospital suicidal. My family made me take Effexor after this. I was delusional and didn't have a backbone. I felt fine on it, I just couldn't sleep without Benzos. I ended up suicdial because I didn't want meds. Was taken to the Psych Ward My doctor recognized it as protracted withdrawal and wanted to help me sleep. He said serowuel would do and took me off the Pristiq. I still had all my feelings sexual and otherwise. He recognized I couldn't do serotogenics very well but could try low dose. I thought since pristiq was fine that that would work. I was riddled with anxiety and wanted some relief. They gave me 5 mg Paxil. I haven't been the same since. I reacted badly. Akathisia, Insomnia, blunted emotions, all sexual feelings gone. It felt like an explosion in my forehead. Couldn't find anyone attractive. They upped my Seroquel dose until I could sleep. I ended up on 200 mg. I came home on 1 mg Ativan and 200 mg seroquel. Within the first week home, I got my dose down to 75 mg seroqul and kept the Ativan doses. I've been holding since then, but I should have just dropped it all and suffered it out at the beginning. After I dropped to 75, I had a huge sexual window, extremely horny and while on the high dose of seroquel, I could masturbate with visual stimulation and orgasm really easily. I have sex dreams almost every night but not in real life. Since April, I can tell who is attractive again, but I still have no desire for sex or a relationship. This has also impacted my motivation. I feel very apathetic and uninterested in everything. I've become depressed. I sleep about 9 hours a night on my seroquel dose and Ativan. I'm hoping to drop these soon. My interest in friends, music, sex, hobbies, motivation, happiness happened after my first drop of seroquel and has slowly gotten worse. The one thing that has improved is finding people attractive. My sleep had gotten really good until I tried to drop my Ativan last week so I went up after a day. Will go much slower now. I was to the point where my muscle twitches had calmed and sleep was solid, I was even yawning and feeling sleepy during the day which I hadn't felt that in a while. I feel like my mind is blank. I couldn't visualize after my reaction in January and slowly gained that back. Then the Paxil. Paxil was the straw that broke the camels back. Can't visualize anymore. I don't know if seroquel is causing me more issues or the Ativan. I have no Idea. I feel emotions. They are all over the place. I can feel love for my family and friends and enjoy things. I can feel pleasure. I just have zero sexual interest. I have had small mini windows of sexual interest. I have sexual dreams a lot of nights. My skull has this numb feeling. It was worse on the higher dose of seroquel. I have this tightness in my forehead that will come and go and will have tingling in my forehead. I have less empathy, but it's still there. It's gotten worse though. I get mad easily and have become very selfish. I am slowly becoming more and more asocial and apathetic. I don't desire to do things or have motivations anymore. This has gotten worse and worse. I don't have numbness, although it took me a long time to orgasm last week and I had to force myself to look at porn. My clitoris also didn't get erect. I feel the warmth and coziness of a hug or my bed, but I don't have much interest in a relationship. I talked to my crush the other day and feel love for him, but it's not like it was, not like romantic love can't stop thinking about you love. Kissing doesn't seem appealing. I feel like my brain is on pause. normally I have tons of thoughts and ideas running through my mind. I'm usually cooking and planning for the future. Not anymore. I don't even care if I leave my house again or travel. That's so not me. I normally love to hang out with people and I don't anymore. Even two weeks ago I had urges to call and catch up with people. Last week I was crying over sentimental stuff. If something bad would happen, I'd cry and feel it. Now I am feeling worse in that regard. I wanted to do nice things for my friends. I don't even want to talk to them now. I feel very empty and not myself. I had windows of feeling like my self at the beginning of the adverse reaction. I know I shouldn't complain. I feel most things and am very lucky for that.

My main questions:
- Is this PSSD? What kind is it?
- I am getting worse over time after the reaction, could the Ativan or Seroquel be making it worse? The reaction was two months ago and I've become more and more apathetic since then.
- Should I slow taper off of the meds to avoid further damage?
- Will tapering off make it worse?
- Is it normal to have sex dreams but no libido in real life?
- During my first protracted withdrawal, my sexual windows could be interrupted by ginger or cinnamon. Especially cinnamon. I'm wondering since cinnamon is a sedative hypnotic and I'm taking two sedatives, that they could be exacerbating things?

Sorry that was a lot. I am just scared.
JakeLawe
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by JakeLawe »

Ok. First of all. I'm amazed 17 year olds can research extensively and such, kudos for that.

Second: if you allow me an advice: you need use spaces between paragraphs.. makes people want to read you.. cluttered word walls are not appealing..just an advice.

Third: girl, id stop the Seroquel asap.. it probably best if you do tapering off.. do it as you feel like.. then I'd quit the Ativan too.

Then, I'd stop taking meds for the rest of my life.

I mean.. you're 17.. your brain still in process of forming until 25 or so.. chances are you'll recover completely.

Right now you are getting "side effects" a.k.a.. reactions to a chemical you ingested.. a chemical compound some people that want money called "anti depressant" ..a chemical compound that the body can react weirdly and scary to.

When you quit..if suddenly you're "over emotional" , crying for silly things etc.. that's a good sign..you're on your way to human again!

Then learn to cherish your emotions, even negative ones! seems to me feeling sad sometimes is even pleasurable! Cherish being able to feel anything at all.. pain, frustration, fear.. it really is heaven, who woulda known?

These pills these torturers give... I swear they have the potential to turn people into psychopaths! No emotions! No empathy! No love!
Scary!! And they're legal and they give them to children! And teenagers like you! When they go to them.. for help! What a world!

Really, I'd quit everything then solve whatever shit through therapy, exercise, good diet, good sleep, friends, etc.

Perceiving suicidal thoughts is also kind of common..not even a reason to go to a hospital or get awful "medicine", no shame on perceiving suicidal thoughts but do go to therapy if you need and don't believe your thoughts! suicidal ones or otherwise!. A lot of people are "passive suicidal people" nothing wrong with that..they think about it sometimes but they know they won't ever do it as far as they can see.. and they live fulfilling, happy lives.
I mean, Emil Cioran made a career out of wanting to die his whole life.. married, etc.. ultimately died at 84.. of Alzheimer but that's a different story.

Protracted withdrawal is the right words.. I'm still going through one myself but getting better, slowly but steady. The healing process is, in my experience, like this:

http://toxicantidepressants.fr/english/ ... after.html

Really, marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, psychedelics..with all their potential risks.. they seem healthier to me than these chemicals compounds sold as "anti-depressants"..

I'd just quit it all and recognize that "depression" is not to be "cured", at least in my experience.. To me it only means one is a sensitive soul.. a lot of the world is in pain, no wonder one feels that and therefore feels sad at times..is a sign one is sensitive to me..a sign one is alive and healthy, actually.

It's my advice and perspective anyway.
arahant
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Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 11:54 am
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by arahant »

There is a similar case here, serotonin syndrome because of mixing St. Johns Wort with other meds.
viewtopic.php?f=10&t=3591&p=34424&hilit ... ome#p34424
It looked like protracted withdrawal too.

- Is it normal to have sex dreams but no libido in real life?

Sexual dreams are a good sign of your sexual-neuronal pathways working in a deep and relaxed state.
If awake is not the same, maybe lots of worries are not letting you relax and blocking your enjoyment of the sexual experience.
These worries might be addressed in psychotherapy.
If you have had in the risk of life before, be careful while changing any drug dosage by yourself, people do things by impulse while in withdrawal, especially sedatives.
Talk to your therapist and explain your worries, then you can agree in a treatment plan that might help you.

Take care.

-Arahant
Wellbutrin (2007 - 2018)
Wellbutrin + Sertraline (2015)
Wellbutrin + Ritalin (2016 - 2018)
Wellbutrin + Ritalin + Sertraline (3 months in 2018)
Buspirone (Feb 2019 - Today)
Ritalin + Buspirone (Nov 2019 - today)
histamine1
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 1:50 pm
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by histamine1 »

arahant wrote: Fri Jun 19, 2020 7:00 pm There is a similar case here, serotonin syndrome because of mixing St. Johns Wort with other meds.
viewtopic.php?f=10&t=3591&p=34424&hilit ... ome#p34424
It looked like protracted withdrawal too.

- Is it normal to have sex dreams but no libido in real life?

Sexual dreams are a good sign of your sexual-neuronal pathways working in a deep and relaxed state.
If awake is not the same, maybe lots of worries are not letting you relax and blocking your enjoyment of the sexual experience.
These worries might be addressed in psychotherapy.
If you have had in the risk of life before, be careful while changing any drug dosage by yourself, people do things by impulse while in withdrawal, especially sedatives.
Talk to your therapist and explain your worries, then you can agree in a treatment plan that might help you.

Take care.

-Arahant

Thank you so much for the kind response. I heard you benefited from buspar. Do you think that would be a good idea for me? I'm currently getting off two sedatives, so I don't know if there is something to take to ease the anxiety.
histamine1
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 1:50 pm
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by histamine1 »

JakeLawe wrote: Thu Jun 18, 2020 7:03 pm Ok. First of all. I'm amazed 17 year olds can research extensively and such, kudos for that.

Second: if you allow me an advice: you need use spaces between paragraphs.. makes people want to read you.. cluttered word walls are not appealing..just an advice.

Third: girl, id stop the Seroquel asap.. it probably best if you do tapering off.. do it as you feel like.. then I'd quit the Ativan too.

Then, I'd stop taking meds for the rest of my life.

I mean.. you're 17.. your brain still in process of forming until 25 or so.. chances are you'll recover completely.

Right now you are getting "side effects" a.k.a.. reactions to a chemical you ingested.. a chemical compound some people that want money called "anti depressant" ..a chemical compound that the body can react weirdly and scary to.

When you quit..if suddenly you're "over emotional" , crying for silly things etc.. that's a good sign..you're on your way to human again!

Then learn to cherish your emotions, even negative ones! seems to me feeling sad sometimes is even pleasurable! Cherish being able to feel anything at all.. pain, frustration, fear.. it really is heaven, who woulda known?

These pills these torturers give... I swear they have the potential to turn people into psychopaths! No emotions! No empathy! No love!
Scary!! And they're legal and they give them to children! And teenagers like you! When they go to them.. for help! What a world!

Really, I'd quit everything then solve whatever shit through therapy, exercise, good diet, good sleep, friends, etc.

Perceiving suicidal thoughts is also kind of common..not even a reason to go to a hospital or get awful "medicine", no shame on perceiving suicidal thoughts but do go to therapy if you need and don't believe your thoughts! suicidal ones or otherwise!. A lot of people are "passive suicidal people" nothing wrong with that..they think about it sometimes but they know they won't ever do it as far as they can see.. and they live fulfilling, happy lives.
I mean, Emil Cioran made a career out of wanting to die his whole life.. married, etc.. ultimately died at 84.. of Alzheimer but that's a different story.

Protracted withdrawal is the right words.. I'm still going through one myself but getting better, slowly but steady. The healing process is, in my experience, like this:

http://toxicantidepressants.fr/english/ ... after.html

Really, marijuana, alcohol, tobacco, psychedelics..with all their potential risks.. they seem healthier to me than these chemicals compounds sold as "anti-depressants"..

I'd just quit it all and recognize that "depression" is not to be "cured", at least in my experience.. To me it only means one is a sensitive soul.. a lot of the world is in pain, no wonder one feels that and therefore feels sad at times..is a sign one is sensitive to me..a sign one is alive and healthy, actually.

It's my advice and perspective anyway.

Thank you Jake for the kind message! Looking at my post now, it looks like a mess lol. I'm trying to be positive. I hope getting off these tranquilizers helps.
arahant
Posts: 564
Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2019 11:54 am
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by arahant »

Hista,

Be careful tapering sedatives. the main reason they are still used is because they are powerful and provides immediate effect on easing anxiety, specially in someone with impulsive and self hurting behavior.
Buspirone made wonders on my anxiety, also I sleep like a 🐻 now, so good :). But it takes time to kick in, regarding anxiety it is like from 3-4 weeks to see something, maybe needing dose adjustment and so. Regarding sexual sides you can read my log here.

Buspirone was also tested in a Cross tapering of sedatives. But it requires close follow up of your health provider.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11561943/
Wellbutrin (2007 - 2018)
Wellbutrin + Sertraline (2015)
Wellbutrin + Ritalin (2016 - 2018)
Wellbutrin + Ritalin + Sertraline (3 months in 2018)
Buspirone (Feb 2019 - Today)
Ritalin + Buspirone (Nov 2019 - today)
JakeLawe
Posts: 174
Joined: Sun May 24, 2020 12:44 am
Contact:

Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by JakeLawe »

histamine1 wrote: Sat Jun 20, 2020 10:09 am Thank you Jake for the kind message! Looking at my post now, it looks like a mess lol. I'm trying to be positive. I hope getting off these tranquilizers helps.
You gonna be fine.
I'd try some Valerian for anxiety, learn to breath, etc.
The mind loves going to "the future". Just pay attention to what you do right now, nevermind the rest.
histamine1
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 1:50 pm
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by histamine1 »

JakeLawe wrote: Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:24 pm
histamine1 wrote: Sat Jun 20, 2020 10:09 am Thank you Jake for the kind message! Looking at my post now, it looks like a mess lol. I'm trying to be positive. I hope getting off these tranquilizers helps.
You gonna be fine.
I'd try some Valerian for anxiety, learn to breath, etc.
The mind loves going to "the future". Just pay attention to what you do right now, nevermind the rest.

Do you think getting off the seroquel will help the most or the Ativan?

I react badly to sedative hypnotics I’ve noticed. I remember in early withdrawal I would have windows, but if I drink cinnamon or ginger tea I would be in a wave for 5 days or so. Cinnamon is a sedative hypnotic so I’m wondering if that’s effecting me
histamine1
Posts: 18
Joined: Sat May 16, 2020 1:50 pm
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by histamine1 »

@meso what do you think?
JakeLawe
Posts: 174
Joined: Sun May 24, 2020 12:44 am
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Re: I was lucky and I screwed it up. PSSD?

Unread post by JakeLawe »

histamine1 wrote: Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:27 pm
JakeLawe wrote: Sun Jun 21, 2020 4:24 pm
histamine1 wrote: Sat Jun 20, 2020 10:09 am Thank you Jake for the kind message! Looking at my post now, it looks like a mess lol. I'm trying to be positive. I hope getting off these tranquilizers helps.
You gonna be fine.
I'd try some Valerian for anxiety, learn to breath, etc.
The mind loves going to "the future". Just pay attention to what you do right now, nevermind the rest.


Do you think getting off the seroquel will help the most or the Ativan?

I react badly to sedative hypnotics I’ve noticed. I remember in early withdrawal I would have windows, but if I drink cinnamon or ginger tea I would be in a wave for 5 days or so. Cinnamon is a sedative hypnotic so I’m wondering if that’s effecting me
For sexual symptoms I'd say it's Seroquel giving them to you, I'm 99% sure of it.

I took benzodiapines back then and never had a problem beyond sleeping like a mofo.

Ativan should help you with the accute withdrawal from Seroquel, in case you experience any, you may not.

Ultimately I'd eventually quit both and try CBT therapy of other things for anxiety. I've read good things about CBD oil for example but haven't tried it.

I don't think cinammon Is anywhere as strong as a benzo!

Try Valerian tea/ supplements, has a funny smell but soothes the nerves like a benzo more or less.. less addictiveness too I'd say. You can try switching the Ativan for Valerian. You can get it on Amazon.

Seems that Meso doesn't hangs here anymore, or is taking a holiday. I also want to ask him about my case.
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