jjr81 introduction

New members can only post here until they introduce themselves
jjr81
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:08 pm

jjr81 introduction

Unread post by jjr81 »

Hello I'm 37 and have been on and off antidepressants since I was 18. I had terrible OCD, both kinds but mostly pure obsessional, and terrible refractory anxiety. I also took plenty of other pills including benzos, opiates(mostly to treat Crohn's Disease possibly caused by 2 bouts with Accutane), antipsychotics, sleeping pills, Gababpentin, Lyrica, antibiotics, etc. I suffered horrible tendon pain and my hands and feet went numb for over a year and Cipro. I also developed C-Diff from another antibiotic. My life has been at many times one big medical emergency. Much of it caused by the drugs used to treat the original problem. The cure can indeed be worse than the disease. I now know I had been suffering from "mild" PSSD since at least 2016, if not earlier, from a bout with Zoloft. Low libido, loss of nocturnal erections, loss of good erections, premature ejaculation. I knew it was the antidepressants but was told it was aging, low testosterone, that it would go away. I knew that antidepressants could lower testosterone so I figured it could be fixed. I vowed to stay off SSRIs. Anyway was in a vulnerable position due to my addictive personality and a psychiatrist at a detox convinced me to go on Effexor again. He said the sex problems would resolve and that I needed help, blah, blah. I wanted out and to feel better so I agreed. I took it for a little over a month but since I had a new girlfriend ( crazy girl I met in that hospital) I got off it.
While I was still functional I wasn't the same. This girl was young and beautiful and I should have been all over her. But my lack of libido and premature ejaculation made me insecure about sex. There were other problems in the relationship and I was even more anxious than usual. I went back to benzos to help but they just improved the anxiety, obviously didn't help the sexual effects. After a terrible break up with this borderline personality I wound up back in a psychiatrists office. He played down the sexual problems, thought they were mostly depression and would resolve. Gave me Prozac and I believe Wellbutrin to attempt to counter the sexual side effects although that may have been later. I made the biggest mistake of my life and took the Prozac for 3 weeks before deciding no more. The med wasn't that effective and I was sick of the sides. I took Wellbutrin in an attempt to deal with the depression and sexual problems.
Things got progressively worse until early June 2018 when I "crashed" completely. I know have complete numbness all over my body especially in my penis, no emotions, cognitive impairment, severe insomnia, no libido, erectile dysfunction, genital shrinkage, dry skin and eyes, thinning hair, impaired taste and smell, etc. Just some of these side effects make me want to kill myself let alone all of them. The only thing keeping me alive is my mother and dog. I have other family members and some friends who care about me but this is too much. I'm a walking dead person. I always say that I'll try to make it to 40 and see if I improve but this is impossible. I've been hit really hard. Ironically enough my OCD and anxiety are somewhat better. Just at the expense of my brain and the rest of my emotions. Also I can no longer get high of other drugs because they no longer work. My psych tries to tell me that's a good thing :roll: I would be self-medicating all the time if they did work cause this condition is a nightmare.
Anyway I tried TMS but that didn't work. Maybe it helped the akathasia and derealization I dealt with at first. I'm also trying many supplements, I'm going to visit Dr. Goldstein in December. If nothing works I've already joined Dignitas, which is an assisted suicide group in Switzerland. They have lenient suicide laws there. You're condition doesn't have to be terminal. Mental illness and neurological conditions, like this, qualify as well. If not I'll just get a nitrogen tank and do it myself. Sorry for being so morbid but I don't feel like a person anymore and I've had enough suffering in life.
Last edited by jjr81 on Thu Mar 28, 2019 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Snake
Posts: 310
Joined: Thu May 03, 2018 1:45 pm
Contact:

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by Snake »

We are all suffering, but somehow we need to find will to go on from day to day. Life is a bitch, let alone PSSD itself.
Suicide never was a solution. Our priority is to keep fighting, even if this fight is so unfair.
Welcome bro.
Finding a cure is only a matter of time! Never quit!
User avatar
nasibi
Posts: 325
Joined: Thu Jun 29, 2017 12:10 pm
Contact:

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by nasibi »

I share alot of symptoms with you like loss of emotions, sexual dysfunction, not responding to drugs anymore etc. I plan on testing an epigenetic drug by summer. The epigenetic hypothesis makes alot of sense. PM me if you are interested in learning about it or check out my previous posts.
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. :(
jjr81
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by jjr81 »

I've looked at epigenetic hypothesis and checked out Antonei Csoska's work. I think there is something to that theory too. Waiting on the PFS Baylor study.
I'm trying to get a functional MRI cause a regular MRI showed nothing. I have an EMG coming up soon. I hope they do the pudendal nerve cause I know that's not working at all. I did my hormone panel. My prolactin was really high. 23.7 ng/ml on a scale of 4.0 to 15.2 ng/ml. I'm trying to lower that. I know Goldstein will have to try some hormone therapy.
As far as suicide I'm shelving the idea for now. For now. Thanks guys.
User avatar
Ghost
Posts: 1750
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:16 pm
Location: USA
Contact:

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by Ghost »

Hey thanks for joining.

I respect the views of others, but I think that seeing Goldstein is worth it. He needs more PSSD patients to help our condition, and the more he gets he keeps learning. At the very least, you'll get a doctor who is caring and will get you all the help he can.
- Medical Student & Friendly poltergeist - Lexapro Sept '14. [Hx] [PSSD Lab] [r/PSSD] [Treatment Plan] - Add "Ghost" in replies so I see it :)
marybanana
Posts: 84
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:51 pm
Contact:

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by marybanana »

Do you already have an appointment for Dr Goldstein? I think it’s worth it to see him as well. I’m also seeing him sometime this late December/early January (whenever my cousins aren’t going to be here for Christmas)
jjr81
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by jjr81 »

Thanks Ghost. And no Mary I don't have an appointment with Goldstein yet but called his office Tuesday and was told they could fit me in in the December/January range which I was planning as well. It will likely be before or after Christmas for similar reasons as yours.
On another night no sleep again despite 2 Lunesta and some wine. Nothing works and if it does it's very inconsistent. What a life I'm living. Or not living. Nice to know others can identify at least :|
jjr81
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by jjr81 »

Have my Goldstein appointment December 9. Keeping expectations low. I know how insidious this condition is. Will report back.
Last edited by jjr81 on Wed Nov 14, 2018 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Jaxx
Posts: 1151
Joined: Sat May 14, 2016 7:55 pm
Contact:

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by Jaxx »

jjr81 wrote:Have my Goldstein appointment October 9. Keeping expectations low. I know how insidious this condition is. Will report back.
October?
Anyway we all appreciate if you could share your experience for sure!
jjr81
Posts: 81
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 10:08 pm

Re: jjr81 introduction

Unread post by jjr81 »

My fault I meant December. Changed it.
Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests