For reasons I cannot explain, soon after I graduated law school and returned home to study for the bar exam, in May of 2019, something changed in my body/brain and I have never been myself ever again. My sexual symptoms seemed to have completely resolved but I have lost my beautiful legal mind and I now suffer immense cognitive and memory impairment. Initially, I was so bad that I did not even realize I was existing in an alternate reality; for months I had been living in an unreachable world of my own and was so impaired I did not even know it. When I finally began to realize it, around late February of 2020, I went to the neurologist where I tested within the dementia range on the MoCA test. I have now spent the past two years seeing the best experts in the United States in attempts to regain my beautiful legal mind, all to no avail with the exception of a few brief windows which give me hope this can be reversed.
For years, I wanted so bad to be cured of PSSD that I prayed for it over and over and told God that if he gave it to me I would be happy forever. I admit now, it was a mistake and not worth this trade. A few amazing sexual encounters and you realize it is not all we crack it up to be on this forum. Guys, I cannot go on living as this person, this person is devoid of my passion, creativity, genius, literacy ability, and imagination; this is not who I am! I want to regain my beautiful legal brain to fight corruption of the system. I cannot go into detail here but I am being victimized by the most evil organization in the world and I have no way to fight; I am a lame sitting duck. I would have rather died as the attorney I was before May of 2019, than live out the life I am living now.
I beg you guys for your help in figuring out what is causing me this ailment. I want to put things back the way they were before, even if it means that I have to live once again with PSSD. What in the hell kind of substance can fix PSSD’s sexual morbidities but deprive you of your cognitive function? My girlfriend and I have been able to narrow the situational changes for the relevant period (summer of 2019) down to three major things that had changed--in hopes to guide your analysis and provide possible clues:
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MY TWO POSSIBLE THEORIES: I am suspecting that maybe this is due to toxic mold exposure. Certain mycotoxins can impact serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine and change the neurocircuitry in the brain. The only other thing I can think of (my second theory) is that maybe I was poisoned by the bar of my state (long story). The bar in my state makes $2.6 billion a year and I was threatening to expose corruption and dismantle its cash-cow. The bar has been tormenting me for the past two years and has tried to sabotage me getting my law license. The bar also knew about PSSD and my suffering from it because it documented such in a file I later came into possession of. $2.6 billion dollars a year is a hell of a lot of money, they could have easily designed a substance that would fix PSSD’s sexual issues but render me immobilized so that I could not pose a threat, with the mindset that I would be content with the change and give up my legal pursuits. All they would have to do is mix it with DMSO and put it on my doorknob or put it inside my air vents. My parents, attorney, and therapist all say that this second theory is ridiculous and paranoid. But hell, I believe in conspiracy theories, just look at what happened to Jeffrey Epstein. Mind you, there is an endless amount of money at play here, and the bar of my state is heavily intertwined with research chemical giants, such as the DuPont laboratories that made the state into the corporate capital of the world.
Do you guys have any ideas at all? Anything I have not thought of? Please be mindful that this is a very serious and life-altering situation to me and I only need genuine brainstorming suggestions.